ahhhhh ecuador, sometimes ya just kill me!!!

hello all!

so it´s june 27th, JUNE 27!!! can you freaking believe it?? i certainly can´t. almost a year has passed, and it´s still really hard for me to comprehend. i STILL feel like this culture and this country are so foreign to me. yes i´ve learned a ton, but there is still SO MUCH that i can´t seem to grasp. everyday new challenges, new adventures, new "cultural customs" i encounter--that blow my mine. karla and i were just saying this morning, "ecuador, why do you continue to frustrate me...." let me try and explain. this whole weekend has been a sequence of mishaps that fortunately, have ended positively, but nevertheless, have been completely stressful.

it started on friday with our paseo. we were so excited---taking 13 kids to see Toy Story 3. heck, we were probably more excited than the kids....but let´s take a look at what happened. while organizing the kids we realized, oh wait, we´ve got one extra, Ivan brought his little brother Diego, 5---now, let me pose this to you all, how do you tell this little child he can´t go?? how? seriously, i couldn´t do it. he was so excited, and again here we go with the miscommunication, he thought he was going, was ready to go, and excited to go....we had no choice but to bring him along. blip number 1, and now onto number 2, Raul, one of our oldest kids, who we have slowly but surely gained the trust of, told us he couldn´t come because he had to watch his little brother Josue.....ughhh dilemma, we wanted him to be able to go so badly because he really deserved it---so what did we do, we took both of them.... now we have 13 other kids looking at us like, and probably wondering, what the hell are these gringos doing----ya know what, you just can´t win...you´re never going to please everyone right? so much stress, so much anxiety---bringing 15 kids into the city of Guayaquil is anything but enjoyable. crossing streets, holding hands, trying to get there on time...i swear, i felt like i was going to have a heart attack by the end....but long story short, we got there, the movie was HILARIOUS, even in spanish, so witty and clever--i recommend it to anyone---josue actually wanted to sit on my lap while watching the movie, and that for me was probably one of the moments that made the whole day worth it. he was so cuddly and cute and watching him laugh and smile made me relax and realize, ya know what it´s all gonna be okay. i just wish the the stress of the whole day didn´t have to be so ingrained in my head as well....

now onto saturday----another day of crazy ecua disorganization, if that´s even a word.....our parish, virgin of perpetual help, had it´s feast day, so in honor of that we put on one of those church festivals, minus the carnival, minus the cotton candy....our group, rostro that is, was in charge of making popcorn to sell.....now let´s remind ourselves, here we are in ecuador, there are no microwaves, so thanks to karla who slaved away in the kitchen for about 4 hours, we made 5lbs of popcorn, on the stove, in a pot, trying at best not to burn anything....so obnoxious...absolutely obnoxious....and the thing is we probably spent 5 dollars making all of it, and sold each bag for 25 cents....i believe our profit was about 2 dollars!! ahhhhhh are you kidding me?? so frustrating....anyway, the event was fun last night, lots of ecua singing and hand gestures----even some reggaeton which is always surprising at a church function. but all in all it was fun, just inefficient i felt....but again who am i to judge...

and today----so while karla was busy making popcorn, i was doing 8 loads of laundry from all of the donations that retreat groups leave behind. reason for this being, today a group of high school students from nuevo mundo was sponsoring a tag sale, pulgero, to help raise money to renovate the park we use at semillas....again great idea, but so poorly organized. and doing freaking 8 loads of laundry in one day is enough to make anyone cranky(maybe that´s partially our fault, but who has time??).....so yeah, we got all the clothes cleaned, then brought them over to the tag sale which we were told would start at 11, however, low and behold, they decided to start at 9!!! wtf? seriously ecuador? if anything, we were expecting a late start time, but oh no not this time....you really can´t win---so every person that we had told about the tag sale was extremely upset at us because we told them 11, and basically all the clothes were gone by 10am.....ughhhhhhh YOU JUST CAN´T WIN!!!

so yeah, that was my venting session at the frustration i´m feeling right now in regards to this country. i just feel like everytime we try to do something "good", it either a. turns into a ridiculous amount of stress b. turns into something we can´t even participate in or c. well i guess a and b suffice.....i´m finding that it´s just really hard for me STILL to acclimate to the culture here. things are done so differently, i see things as very unorganized and i´m constantly getting stressed when it´s really something i shouldn´t stress about.....i´m ready to come home. and do things in an orderly manner. to speak my own language and organize events in the way i would like them to run....now i know that sounds extremely egotistical and self-centered, but i´m just really tired. and i think that my type A personality just does not coincide with life here. seriously it doesn´t......

okay so let me end on a few positive notes, because that rant was probably unnecessary......1. i just had my final retreat group seattle u with me for the past week, and they were awesome....i had somuch fun with them, and they were truly a great note to end my year on. 2. dan´s parents are here for a few days and they are providing all of us with much needed laughs and parental comforts, not to mention they brought the entire trader joe´s stock to our house in about 4 suitcases---very much appreciated!! and 3. due to the lack of time i have left in ecuador, i feel very free, in the sense that i am just trying to enjoy every minute i possibly can with every person i want to spend time with---obviously there have been a few road blocks this past week, but all in all, things are really great. i am just a the point right now where i feel excited and ready to come home. of course goodbyes are going to be so painful, but i knew this was coming, and i signed up for it. so as with everything in my life, i´m going to take it a day at a time, and just enjoy where i´m at right now, in this moment. because let´s face it, this moment is the only one that matters....

just breathe.....period.

love you all so much,
jamie

so wave your flag....

ya know what, i don´t even know where to begin....this entry is literally going to come out like word vomit, so i apologize in advance---let me start....

MANY MANY things have been happening here, SO many amazing experiences, life has been incredible. and i´m loving every minute. just recently i had the absolute pleasure of having my college roommate katie come here to visit me, and it was such a blessing! her being here was such a gift because essentially i know i´m going to struggle coming home and trying to explain this year to people. as hard as i try, there really aren´t words for what i´m feeling and experiencing. and now i know at least one person will be able to understand what i´m trying to convey by my stories and reflections. and as always katie is such a calming presence, very comforting, putting all my worries at ease.

from the moment katie got here, i knew we were going to have an amazing time. although almost a year has passed since i´ve seen here, it was like we just picked back up where we left off, and started again. it was so normal! catching up on so much, eating reeses and sour patch kids, and laughing at the most ridiculous things---ahhh such a breath of normalcy. i know that i have so much support here, but having katie here made me realize that i also have support back at home---and that has calmed my nerves a ton! such a great visit, that i know i will always remember! THANKS KTO!!!!

the great thing was too, this past friday, all of our afterschool programs had a huge soccer tournament in honor of the mundial---and it was EXCELLENT!! i mean there was so much intensity and spirit and pride! our kids were awesome. i literally felt like i was at a world cup game, okay maybe not, but i was like a crazy mom at a sporting event! jumping and screaming, singing and running! ha i was a freaking nut, but it was soooo much fun. god help my future children for the embarrassment i will probably cause them! no, but seriously, it was a great event, and fortunately, SEMILLAS WON! they were so proud and ya know, it´s little things like this that really mean the world to them, so i was just so happy that they could have their moment in the spot light. i´m beaming right now as i write this!

so let´s see what else----well i have another retreat group arriving tonight, so i´m going to be crazy busy again for another week. it´s hard because i´ve had two amazing groups so far, and i just pray that this group follows the trend....fingers crossed!

yeah, things have been really great here, but poco a poco, i´m getting ready to go home. as awful as it sounds, i´m really looking forward to life being easier back in the states---just taking a warm shower in the morning, not having to take meds to ward off this zoo i have living in my stomach, checking my email whenever i feel like it! drinking REAL coffee!!!, not having to cook meals for five people--ughh, i know it sounds silly when my neighbors here live this life everyday without complaining, but i´m just really tired.....i can feel myself burning out slowly and it´s hard. i am not sustainable here, and that´s the realization i´m coming to. as difficult as it will be for these new volunteers to come and us to leave, i know that it´s not fair for me to stay here. my creativity is lacking, my energy is dwindling, and i´m just exhausted. i just pray for the endurance and energy source to keep me going these last two months because i´m really going to need it. as my leave date gets closer and closer, i start feeling more and more ready----kind of like, okay, i´m done, get me outta here!!! but not as extreme as that.

anyway, that´s where i´m at. i am just so freaking excited to see everyone back home. with katie here, i was just like okay, i wanna see everyone now, i want to hug all my friends, chat for hours, and catch up on life!! it´s about time right?!?!

alright, semillas time awaits me, oh a little anecdote before i go---so i was working with the chiquititos yesterday and we were pretending to be cooks, making all sorts of food, talking about colors and tastes yadda yadda, so when i yelled out, chiquititos, que color son las uvas!, what color are grapes?, i was ridiculously surprised when little josue (4) screamed out PURPLE!!! in english that is---i was like well yes that´s right but that´s english! (i think he shocked himself too) ha i swear these kids surprise me everyday---- especially because this answer came from the kid who walked behind the playground last week and took a poop in the middle of recess...ha, when i asked him why he didn´t use the bathroom, he told me he had no idea haha--all i could do was laugh!

so on that note i´m out! love you all, sending you so much happiness and positive energy!
jamie

so little time...so much to say

SO MUCH has been happening, and i´m literally so busy i can´t even go into details, so here i go again with the bullets---because i feel like i want to tell you as much as i can in the little time that i have!

1. i became a godmother for the first time in my life on saturday. of course, it was ecuador, so it was a little strange, the ceremony i mean, but as a whole, a really beautiful experience. i was asked about a month ago by my friend lucy for her son andrés, and at first i was shocked and wasn´t really sure if it was something i should commit to (seeing that i´m leaving in 2 months) but she said she understood that completely, and just respected and loved me like a daughter, and always wanted me to be a part of their lives. she also said that she just likes my "forma de ser", who i am, and how i live my life. i just respect lucy so much, and really love that family. it was definitely something i prayed a ton about, and ultimately i just felt like this was something i needed to do. this family i have spent so much time with, so having her ask me to take on that responsibility was something i honestly felt honored to do. the word madrina in spanish actually means "spiritual mother", what better role to fill in someones life? and having ecuador be a part of my life forever is something i know i am ready to commit to.

2. i won at bingo this week! ha, no literally, so exciting. this past sunday, my friend saira´s high school class had a bingo to help raise money for a retreat next year. a bunch of us went to support her, and here in ecuador bingos are HUGE, so we went all out. i had 5 tablas (bingo cards), bought snacks, made banana bread to sell---it was so much fun! and the bingo was a huge success. we spent the whole day with her and it was just hilarious. we were laughing and joking with all the students, eating great food, it felt so normal. we were so ecua! oh and my prize was a bottle of hand lotion---you would´ve thought i won a flat screen or something ha!

3. this week a medical team is here from the US performing free pediatric orthopedic surgeries (mainly spines--scoliosis, club feet, malformed legs, etc) there are about 40 people with the group, and their spanish is ehh not so good....so i have been working with them translating between the patients, parents, and doctors. wow. what an amazing experience. these kids are having these amazing surgeries that otherwise wouldn´t be available to them, or they couldn´t afford them, and their lives are changing because of it. so beautiful. they are so grateful, and so humble. i am loving my role in this whole process. i have had such amazingly profound experiences this week being with these patients. little four year olds who are so brave, and 13 year olds who for the first time will stand up straight. it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. and i am so confident with my spanish. for the first time since i´ve been here, i finally feel like my spanish is a gift. like i can provide so much to a patient just by being able to speak the same language as them. being with this team this week has also made me realize that i chose the right vocation. as much as i questioned myself through college, it´s true, nursing is definitely for me. and i am so excited to get started. i literally can´t wait.

alright, i really do have more to tell you all, but i guess it´s going to have to wait. semillas will not wait for me, there will be children at the gate by the time i get there. but i miss and love you all so much!! mom i cannot wait to get to the beach with you! we are going to have so much fun! and xaverian boys---how does it feel to be graduated??? are you ready?

gotta run people, so much love i´m sending you,
ciao,
jamie