....and then the kids made me cry

so the kids at semillas made me cry today...so shitty, seriously?? who am i? i thought i was stronger than that, but today they just hit a nerve. we try so hard to teach them to be respectful, to listen, to share, to be kind and compassionate---but it´s like we talk to brick walls. there were about four fights today, rock throwing, hair pulling, and name calling in the course of two hours---and on top of it, karla wasn´t there, so it was just dan, ricardo and i holding down the fort.

i don´t know if i´ve ever talked about ricardo before, but he is one of the ecuadorian workers that helps us at semillas everyday. he is absolutely amazing, literally, there would be no semillas without him. ricardo lives in arbolito a few blocks from us, he´s 22 years old, and is so helpful and kind--the kids respond so well to him, and at times i´m so envious of his cool, calm, and collective nature. during the charla today i just lost it. i had to walk away because i didn´t want the kids to see me cry, and he came over and made sure i was okay. dan was great too, i just feel so supported here, even when things are really hard. i can be having the shittiest day ever, but i never go through it alone. someone is always there to help pick me up.

aside from the madness that was semillas today, things have been a lot better. i mean i do have about 50 mosquito bites all over my body and dan continues to call me chubby...but other than that things are good. our house community is in a chill place right now. karla´s dad and brother were here the past few days and they were just delightful to have. it was funny watching karla interact with her brother, but it was kind of bittersweet too. brandon wherever you are right now, know that i´m thinking about you---right now!

redima continues to be "okay"--nothing extraordinary, nothing horrific....just kinda mezza mez...i really love the obstetrician i work with, crazy as she is, she´s a lot of fun--- and i feel like i´m learning a lot about woman´s health, even though i really have no interest in it. still though it´s exciting hearing a babies heart beat or feeling competent enough to do exams. i just get tired of having to tell fourteen year olds that they´re pregnant, or better yet, 22 year olds (yes that´s my age) tell me they have five children---it literally knocks the wind out of me---i look at these young women, most younger then me, and when they tell me they have families of their own, sometimes four or five kids i am completely overwhelmed. the culture is just so different here. it´s not even abnormal. it´s expected. i get asked probably five times a day how many kids i have---and everytime when i say none, people are shocked!! how crazy is that? get´s me everytime, i constantly have a pit in my stomach when i see these young girls carrying babies on each arm. pray for them, okay.

so that´s a little update about where i am right now. we go on retreat tomorrow for three days which will be nice. beach again---very much needed. however, my cry today was pretty cathartic, so i feel much better. also, writing in this cyber world, strangely relieves a lot of stress too. i think i just miss you all so much, like...it´s not one thing that puts me over the edge, it´s the combination of every feeling i have needing some type of release. anywho....

know that i love and miss you all so so much! mom i got your awesome package today! and jacki....those oprah magazines absolutely made my day! see even when there´s a "low", there are so many "hi´s" to counter balance! you guys are so thoughtful, and make me feel so loved!

hope to hear from you all soon!
con bastante amor y paz,
ruega por mis niños por favor,
lupita

in the jungle you must wait until the dice read 5 or 8....

i guess the old saying still stands....be careful what you wish for.

well, the rains have come....let me rephrase, the monsoons have come.

i will comence with my ark building asap, as it will be necessary to get around over here. i honestly feel like i´ve entered a different world. we went for six months without a drop of rain, and now it doesn´t stop.

and....to top it all off, our house has turned into jumanji. this whole time, we´ve been living with these large blue X´s on our ceiling, wondering, hmmm i wonder why those are there---well then came our reason, with the rains....let´s just say we´ve got a few lakes in the empty bedrooms, and creatures have been coming in from all sides. jumanji i tell you....i´m just waiting for Alan Parrish to jump out of our bodega with a freaking lion.

not to mention the incredible amounts of mud that we have to walk through everyday. i really am not exaggerting-- "our ecuador" has been turned upside down. and i think i´m going through culture shock all over again. the mosquitos, grillos, cockroaches, yes we killed one in our house, and mice are really starting to get to me, especially because these things are commonly found in my bedroom right before i go to bed at night. you can probably imagine how well i´ve been sleeping. anyway, let´s just hope this passes soon, and this isn´t the year of El Niño as they´ve been predicting--because if that´s the case, this "rainy season" will probably last until it´s time for us to leave. (sigh) God give me strength.

i´ve gotta run and eat dinner now, but i´ll get back to this soon when i have a free minute, for now, these are the most important happenings in my life....just thought you should know about them.

love you,
jamie

and onto the next year

so it´s january. 2010. wow. still can´t even believe it.

happy new year everyone! i hope the holidays were wonderful for you all. so after a week of vacation time, some traveling to cuenca, a lot of time spent hanging with my housemates, it´s back to work.

in brief recap, cuenca was amazing--probably one of the best vacations i´ve ever been on. i´m almost embarrassed to say though that we did absolutely nothing but eat, drink, and be merry. it was a chill vacation, just hanging in parks, sitting in cafés, and laughing till our stomachs hurt. while the five of us that went are all extremely different people, we clicked so well and had a hysterical time. i can´t remember the last time i laughed so hard in my life. cuenca is a beautiful city in the mountains--great climate--a nice reprieve from the heat wave we´ve been living here, and extremely clean! no burning trash there. as simple as it was though , it brought us all so much joy and gave us a nice break from all things Durán.

and now it´s back to work. on monday i went back to redima to start the new year off, and ya wanna know the first thing they said to me when i walked in the door---ahhh lupita, ha venido mas gordita! wow, what a welcome people---simple translation: oh lupita, you can back fatter! ha you can imagine how my jaw dropped to the ground, and i basically wanted to crawl in a hole. however, i kept my composure and just smiled. NEVER in the states, would you dare say that to someone, but here, it´s incredible how simply they talk about weight. like it´s nothing. imagine walking into your job and your coworkers telling you you´ve put on the holiday pounds--yeah, not fun, but now i´m just motivated to work out a little bit more, and get back in shape.

in the beginning i was so adament about working out--jumping rope everyday, push ups, sit ups, lunges, you name it, not eating the humungous porcions that are always served to me, my roommates even thought i was crazy, and a little OCD, but i was determined not to put on the "ecua pounds"---after all that i even lost 15, and my neighbors kept telling me i was going to blow away with the winter winds--but as i´ve gotten more comfortable, and less scared of getting parasites, i´ve adapted a lot. hence the fat. what can i say though, you can never win, you´re either too skinny, or too fat--i guess i´m just going to try and be me, whatever weight that is.

so aside from the weight gain, in other news--BC is here on their winter break arrupe trip. and while i did not recognize one person from the group, it´s still great having them here, and being to talk about things that people know about; pulse, dorms, professors, etc. yesterday they came to semillas and i was shocked at how great our kids were, it was almost creepy...they were little angelitos and put on their best behavior for our guests. the chiquititos and i made "giving trees" after reading el arbol generoso, and they absolutely loved it! after about an hour of me cutting little green "leaves", they really worked so hard, and made beautiful trees to take home. i don´t think i could ever be a pre-school/kinder teacher though, so much of your life is spent cutting up shitt and preping projects for kids---little kids literally can´t do anything themselves. you have to help them do everything---even something as simple as gluing a piece of construction paper to another, nope--they constantly need attention and help. i think that´s why i hated being a kid so much. you are just so dependent on everyone else--imagine how frustrating that is? still though they did a great job, listened so well, and worked so hard to make beautiful trees! i was like a proud momma :-)

so other than that, not much new news to report on. still smiling everyday, still laughing a ton. i really want to put pictures up, but i am so technologically challenged, i really can´t figure it out without the assistance of someone from my house. so that will have to wait. oh! and i´m going to be using skype on saturday morning i think, so if you´re awake and around at like 9am, go on so that we can talk! or send me your cell number so i can call you!

i love you all and miss you so much, thanks for all of the christmas gifts too! i´m still getting them in spurts, and they continue to make me smile, "the gifts that keep on giving"---anyway, i´ve gotta run, but hope to talk to you soon!

love always,
lupita

oh p.s. "i gotta feeling" finally reached ecuador, and you have no idea how happy i am to finally hear that song again--it reminds me of all things senior year, which of course makes me smile!