....and then the kids made me cry

so the kids at semillas made me cry today...so shitty, seriously?? who am i? i thought i was stronger than that, but today they just hit a nerve. we try so hard to teach them to be respectful, to listen, to share, to be kind and compassionate---but it´s like we talk to brick walls. there were about four fights today, rock throwing, hair pulling, and name calling in the course of two hours---and on top of it, karla wasn´t there, so it was just dan, ricardo and i holding down the fort.

i don´t know if i´ve ever talked about ricardo before, but he is one of the ecuadorian workers that helps us at semillas everyday. he is absolutely amazing, literally, there would be no semillas without him. ricardo lives in arbolito a few blocks from us, he´s 22 years old, and is so helpful and kind--the kids respond so well to him, and at times i´m so envious of his cool, calm, and collective nature. during the charla today i just lost it. i had to walk away because i didn´t want the kids to see me cry, and he came over and made sure i was okay. dan was great too, i just feel so supported here, even when things are really hard. i can be having the shittiest day ever, but i never go through it alone. someone is always there to help pick me up.

aside from the madness that was semillas today, things have been a lot better. i mean i do have about 50 mosquito bites all over my body and dan continues to call me chubby...but other than that things are good. our house community is in a chill place right now. karla´s dad and brother were here the past few days and they were just delightful to have. it was funny watching karla interact with her brother, but it was kind of bittersweet too. brandon wherever you are right now, know that i´m thinking about you---right now!

redima continues to be "okay"--nothing extraordinary, nothing horrific....just kinda mezza mez...i really love the obstetrician i work with, crazy as she is, she´s a lot of fun--- and i feel like i´m learning a lot about woman´s health, even though i really have no interest in it. still though it´s exciting hearing a babies heart beat or feeling competent enough to do exams. i just get tired of having to tell fourteen year olds that they´re pregnant, or better yet, 22 year olds (yes that´s my age) tell me they have five children---it literally knocks the wind out of me---i look at these young women, most younger then me, and when they tell me they have families of their own, sometimes four or five kids i am completely overwhelmed. the culture is just so different here. it´s not even abnormal. it´s expected. i get asked probably five times a day how many kids i have---and everytime when i say none, people are shocked!! how crazy is that? get´s me everytime, i constantly have a pit in my stomach when i see these young girls carrying babies on each arm. pray for them, okay.

so that´s a little update about where i am right now. we go on retreat tomorrow for three days which will be nice. beach again---very much needed. however, my cry today was pretty cathartic, so i feel much better. also, writing in this cyber world, strangely relieves a lot of stress too. i think i just miss you all so much, like...it´s not one thing that puts me over the edge, it´s the combination of every feeling i have needing some type of release. anywho....

know that i love and miss you all so so much! mom i got your awesome package today! and jacki....those oprah magazines absolutely made my day! see even when there´s a "low", there are so many "hi´s" to counter balance! you guys are so thoughtful, and make me feel so loved!

hope to hear from you all soon!
con bastante amor y paz,
ruega por mis niños por favor,
lupita