in the jungle you must wait until the dice read 5 or 8....

i guess the old saying still stands....be careful what you wish for.

well, the rains have come....let me rephrase, the monsoons have come.

i will comence with my ark building asap, as it will be necessary to get around over here. i honestly feel like i´ve entered a different world. we went for six months without a drop of rain, and now it doesn´t stop.

and....to top it all off, our house has turned into jumanji. this whole time, we´ve been living with these large blue X´s on our ceiling, wondering, hmmm i wonder why those are there---well then came our reason, with the rains....let´s just say we´ve got a few lakes in the empty bedrooms, and creatures have been coming in from all sides. jumanji i tell you....i´m just waiting for Alan Parrish to jump out of our bodega with a freaking lion.

not to mention the incredible amounts of mud that we have to walk through everyday. i really am not exaggerting-- "our ecuador" has been turned upside down. and i think i´m going through culture shock all over again. the mosquitos, grillos, cockroaches, yes we killed one in our house, and mice are really starting to get to me, especially because these things are commonly found in my bedroom right before i go to bed at night. you can probably imagine how well i´ve been sleeping. anyway, let´s just hope this passes soon, and this isn´t the year of El Niño as they´ve been predicting--because if that´s the case, this "rainy season" will probably last until it´s time for us to leave. (sigh) God give me strength.

i´ve gotta run and eat dinner now, but i´ll get back to this soon when i have a free minute, for now, these are the most important happenings in my life....just thought you should know about them.

love you,
jamie

and onto the next year

so it´s january. 2010. wow. still can´t even believe it.

happy new year everyone! i hope the holidays were wonderful for you all. so after a week of vacation time, some traveling to cuenca, a lot of time spent hanging with my housemates, it´s back to work.

in brief recap, cuenca was amazing--probably one of the best vacations i´ve ever been on. i´m almost embarrassed to say though that we did absolutely nothing but eat, drink, and be merry. it was a chill vacation, just hanging in parks, sitting in cafés, and laughing till our stomachs hurt. while the five of us that went are all extremely different people, we clicked so well and had a hysterical time. i can´t remember the last time i laughed so hard in my life. cuenca is a beautiful city in the mountains--great climate--a nice reprieve from the heat wave we´ve been living here, and extremely clean! no burning trash there. as simple as it was though , it brought us all so much joy and gave us a nice break from all things Durán.

and now it´s back to work. on monday i went back to redima to start the new year off, and ya wanna know the first thing they said to me when i walked in the door---ahhh lupita, ha venido mas gordita! wow, what a welcome people---simple translation: oh lupita, you can back fatter! ha you can imagine how my jaw dropped to the ground, and i basically wanted to crawl in a hole. however, i kept my composure and just smiled. NEVER in the states, would you dare say that to someone, but here, it´s incredible how simply they talk about weight. like it´s nothing. imagine walking into your job and your coworkers telling you you´ve put on the holiday pounds--yeah, not fun, but now i´m just motivated to work out a little bit more, and get back in shape.

in the beginning i was so adament about working out--jumping rope everyday, push ups, sit ups, lunges, you name it, not eating the humungous porcions that are always served to me, my roommates even thought i was crazy, and a little OCD, but i was determined not to put on the "ecua pounds"---after all that i even lost 15, and my neighbors kept telling me i was going to blow away with the winter winds--but as i´ve gotten more comfortable, and less scared of getting parasites, i´ve adapted a lot. hence the fat. what can i say though, you can never win, you´re either too skinny, or too fat--i guess i´m just going to try and be me, whatever weight that is.

so aside from the weight gain, in other news--BC is here on their winter break arrupe trip. and while i did not recognize one person from the group, it´s still great having them here, and being to talk about things that people know about; pulse, dorms, professors, etc. yesterday they came to semillas and i was shocked at how great our kids were, it was almost creepy...they were little angelitos and put on their best behavior for our guests. the chiquititos and i made "giving trees" after reading el arbol generoso, and they absolutely loved it! after about an hour of me cutting little green "leaves", they really worked so hard, and made beautiful trees to take home. i don´t think i could ever be a pre-school/kinder teacher though, so much of your life is spent cutting up shitt and preping projects for kids---little kids literally can´t do anything themselves. you have to help them do everything---even something as simple as gluing a piece of construction paper to another, nope--they constantly need attention and help. i think that´s why i hated being a kid so much. you are just so dependent on everyone else--imagine how frustrating that is? still though they did a great job, listened so well, and worked so hard to make beautiful trees! i was like a proud momma :-)

so other than that, not much new news to report on. still smiling everyday, still laughing a ton. i really want to put pictures up, but i am so technologically challenged, i really can´t figure it out without the assistance of someone from my house. so that will have to wait. oh! and i´m going to be using skype on saturday morning i think, so if you´re awake and around at like 9am, go on so that we can talk! or send me your cell number so i can call you!

i love you all and miss you so much, thanks for all of the christmas gifts too! i´m still getting them in spurts, and they continue to make me smile, "the gifts that keep on giving"---anyway, i´ve gotta run, but hope to talk to you soon!

love always,
lupita

oh p.s. "i gotta feeling" finally reached ecuador, and you have no idea how happy i am to finally hear that song again--it reminds me of all things senior year, which of course makes me smile!

Feliz Navidad!!

just stopping in for a brief moment to say Feliz Navidad to all those who i love so much.

christmas was amazing here, so beautiful and memorable. only cried for a brief 10 minutes after talking to my mom on christmas morning, but after that i pulled my shit together, and literally just danced. our arbo house woke up christmas morning, ate some delicious chocolate chip pancakes prepared by theresa and myself, headed to mass, and then had a solid 3 hour dance party singing and laughing, mainly to reggaeton, which may be in the running for my new choice music--it was insanity, but so much fun. we did our "secret santa" on a $1 budget, and were in hysterics at the creativity that arose through that restraint. let{s just so that there were a lot of "coupon" gifts, and regifts from things our parents and friends sent us, too funny. but in all seriousness, this christmas i felt so much love and joy. i had a constant smile on my face for most of the time, and this year christmas really did have a magical feel. no fighting, no obligations, no resentment. a lot of sitting around and talking and laughing. we have been laughing for about four days straight now.

one christmas tradition that we did partake in here that i absolutely loved, were the christmas posadas. it{s hard to explain the exact feeling/environment of a posada, but the gist is basically a reinactment of mary and joseph going from house to house looking for a place to say--there{s a lot of music and discussion about faith and love, and what the holidays are all about. they happen for 9 days straight, and our house went to about 4 of them. especially with the power out, and doing most of them by candle light, i was so moved. i{m sure if you wikepedia posada, you{ll get a little bit better description of what they are, but for now, just know that this tradition was something that made my christmas all that more special. i just felt so connected---through faith, and through the basic fact that we are all human, and here to love one another. it was really powerful.

so now i{m off for a week, and dan, karla, steve, john, and i have decided to head to cuenca for a little "vacation" fun. we leave tomorrow morning, and it should be great. we{re all just ready to take a break from Duran, and breathe for a bit. work has become a little mundane, and the screaming at semillas has started to make me a little sorda. so we leave tomorrow morning for a few days of reprieve.

before christmas came, we were also so blessed to have karlas mom and sister come visit us for a few days, which was awesome. just having family in the house really brought a new cheer and light, and great food too! getting to share in this experience with people back home is so profound. its one thing to describe and write and talk, but to really be here, and see and hear and feel what Duran is like brings on a whole new sentiment.

alright, well that{s about all i have time for today. thank you to everyone who sent me christmas wishes, it was just so sweet and really made my heart smile knowing that i{m not forgotten about back at home. and it{s already almost 5 months--incredible, seriously. this time is flying.

when i get home from cuenca, i promise to write a more detailed post, and give you a better update on the happenings down here. for now, just know that i{m happy, like really happy---and laughing a lot. sometimes my stomach hurts from laughing so much after sitting down with these four crazy people i live with. they are ridiculous, but i love them.

until next time, or next year i guess i could say!
sending you so much love it hurts,
love,
jamie

oh, and wikepedia grillos while you{re at it, that{s an episode i didn{t even get into, but if you can imagine the biblical times of locust, you may have accurately imagined what it{s been like in grillo season. ha, yeah so not fun.

´tis the season!

well---here we are, middle of diciembre---still can´t believe it! sorry for the lapse in time between entries. ya know, when i used to follow past volunteers blogs, i would get so frustrated when they wouldn´t post for months, but now that i´m here, i can finally see why it´s so hard to blog frequently. there is just no time!---always something to do (practice spanish, visit neighbors, read a good book, hang with my housemates, prepare HIV charlas, cook dinner, work out, write letters) but i promise i will try to be more intentional about sharing funny moments and new ideas with you!

so to start off, i wanted to tell you all that for the past few weeks i´ve been singing with our church group Nueva Generación. well now that you´re all laughing, let me explain. our music at church is awesome, and for me music is a huge part of why i feel so much at mass. well....i´m in ecuador, trying to deepen my faith and grow in spirituality, so i figured why not knock myself out and join the group! ha---keep in mind i can barely speak spanish, so singing in spanish could quite possibly be one of the funniest things---especially since i hold a microphone. yes. i hold a microphone. AND, you can´t put on the whole "apples and oranges" front on when you don´t know the words--that just doesn´t vale here, and i haven´t learned the spanish cover up for not knowing words. so because you can´t be here to listen to me sing, let me try and describe what this experience is like---this past weekend we sang campanas de belen (bells of bethlehem i think)--and this was me "BELEN, CAMPANAS DE BELEN, y los angeles baaAAbumm nuestro los baa bummm" yupp...that´s me, just hummin´along, trying to come up with words that i have no idea what should be. but i figure, what the hell--i like to sing, i like church music, and i like being a part of a group with people my own age. oh yeah that´s right, new gen (as i call it) is all people our age, and they´re awesome! such great people. therefore, why not? why not make a fool of myself? i´ve really got nothing to lose :-)

another tidbit i wanted to tell you about was that we had our employee christmas party last night--and let me just tell you---it was a BALL! wow, i think everyone had a really good time. we invited all of our guards and their families, and the people who help run our afterschool programs with us---it was just so special to be able to spend time with them. we are so close with our guards because well, they are with us literally 24-7, so meeting their families, and dancing and singing with them, was just awesome.

so here´s how things went down. karla and amy headed up the food committee- we ate pasta, mango, rice, and pineapple--how´s that for a ecua-american meal, it was delicious though!---decorations were cute, a little tacky, but cute nonetheless, and the entertainment, well that was definitely the highlight. all three of our houses decided that we would put on "dances" for our guests--you can imagine the competative spirit that arrose with that notion--they were absolutely hilarious, i was laughing like a little kid! a little synopsis includes john as a donkey, dan and tom as reindeer, and casa tomás reinventing an ecua christmas song with rostro lyrics! they were all really creative and fun! i think megan our director may have posted a video of them on facebook, so if you can access that--you may get a good laugh!

all in all though, last night was just a great holiday moment, it felt like that was christmas day for us---dancing, laughing, eating, sharing---so beautiful. the little kids were so cute--elvis´s son, one of our semillas kids as well, asked me as we were passing around chocolate, "lupita, how many can i have?", and i told him, "as many as you want", and his face just lit up! and he was like "i´m gonna put a few in my pocket to take home for later", i was like "absolutely!"--my heart melted....

let´s see, what else, what else----oh funny moment with chiquititos at semillas! ha, i have to tell you---so i was doing the vowels with them the other day, they love it---they scream out "A, E, I, O, U, cuantás vacas tienes tu"---so after we moved on from that, we do--MA, ME, MI, MO, MU, and so on with all the letters---well we learning new words for MA, ME, etc---so i was going okay, can anyone tell me a word that begins with MA---and then they would yell, mariposa, mapa, mano, mango, manzana---yadda yadda, well i asked jhon piel--one of the cutest little kids, probs one of my favs even though i shouldn´t have one----if he could think of a word...so he gets into pensive mood for a few seconds and then shouts out "PAPAYA!!!!"---when i tell you i was laughing so hard i was crying, it was one of those adorable children moments, that you just can´t replicate...and it gets better..... everytime i asked him for a response, for ME, for MI, etc, he would continue to yell out PAPAYA!!! needless to say, i got my quota of belly laughs that day. it was just like, umm jhon piel, papaya begins with PA, we´re workin on MA now. and he´d be like ooooooh okay....repeat papaya.....think again....repeat papaya. too much.

semillas has just been so great though. seriously. it´s a blast. it doesn´t stress me out anymore, and it doesn´t make me cringe---it´s just a part of my day, and a fun part of my day for that matter. i think i´m learning how cool kids really are. they are funny and full of personality. and as bad and nasty as they can be sometimes, most days i leave there laughing at funny moments. christmas is going to be hard though. i´m already feeling strange about it. as rostro volunteers we´re not allowed to "gift give", and that´s a really hard thing for me. i want to give these kids new shoes, and pencils, and backpacks, and hair bands, and new markers, and we´re just not allowed to do that. i know christmas is NOT about gifts, i mean i fully understand that, but that doesn´t change the fact that i want to give these kids everything i possibly can. it´s something i´m definitely struggling with. hopefully though we´ll be able to have a christmas party for them and do games with prizes and sweets---a little something to spread holiday cheer. and prizes don´t fall under the gift giving category so that´s a good thing!

i´m trying to think if there´s anything else i wanted to share with you guys today, there probably is but i just can´t think anymore right now. it´s so hard to keep track when everyday is filled with so many moments that i wish i could tell you immediately after they happen. i just want to pick up the phone and be like, i´ve got the funniest story for you---i always have to make mental notes and be like, oh this is definitely "write home worthy"....but a lot of the details inevitably get left out!

the gist of this blog is that: things are positive here. really good for that matter. as anxious as i was about experiencing christmas here without my family, i think that after all--it´s going to be a really moving experience. something i will always have. as difficult as it may be.

and on that note, i´ve got to get out of this sauna-esque cyber---i know i say it all the time, but seriously, you are always in my thoughts...always!! you may think i´m too busy to think about you, but it´s not true, on my bus rides, during semillas activities, thoughts of people from home always cross my mind. i´m thinking "hmmm i wonder what katie´s up to right now in DC? she´s probably on a run, or i bet Jen is at the clinic giving flu shots---or it´s sunday, i bet my parents are out having breakfast at some new local"----it´s constant, really. i miss you. punto. i miss you all so much, and not being with you during the holiday season is hard for me, hard, but not impossible. distance is nothing. we´re still connected.

alright, i´ve gotta run, LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUU!! always,
keep smiling :-)
jamie

Gracias!

So in light of this thanksgiving holiday, i´d like to share a quote i have found particularly moving throughout my time here:

"Gratitude is not just a psychological disposition, but a virtue. Gratitude is ultimate participation in the divine life itself. The spirit of God in us recognizes God in the world. The eyes and ears by which we can see God in others are in fact spiritual sensitivies that allow us to receive our neighbor as a messenger of God himself."---Henri Nouwen

I am so blessed. Beyond blessed actually. Yesterday was another pivotal marker on my timeline for this year. Something was different, and i felt it all day. While it was a sad day for me, that did not change the fact that my ultimate disposition was joyful. It started at 6am when i decided to make a banana bread to bring into Redima to celebrate at work. I had to run out at the crack of dawn and buy the necessary ingredients, flour, sugar, bananas, etc but i felt like that part of craziness coincided with that normally felt on a holiday day---at my last stop i realized i forgot the vanilla, so i randomly asked the bread shop if they knew where i could get some---he then pulled out this big economy sized bottle of vanilla from his fridge and poured out a solid 1/2 cup for me to use. When i asked him how much, he just said, "no no, just take it". I was like are you sure, and he was like absolutely--I don´t know if it was just the mood i woke up in but for some reason even that small act touched me. From that moment on, the day only continued being beautiful.

While i was lugging the hot pan of banana bread on the bus to Redima, i got very strange stares, (here i was this crazy gringa trying to catch a bus with a hot pan, you can imagine how graceful i looked) after i got on a lady sat down next to me and asks , "a vender" to sell? and i was like oh no, it´s a gift, for my friends at work---and she was just like it smells delicious, tell me about it--so of course i did, and then i realized, what the hell---it´s thanksgiving, a day of sharing food with others, so i just cut her out a slice to try (even though it killed me to break into my beautifully baked presentation, i figured it would be very hypocritical not to share in that moment) she of course loved it, and that made me smile. who knows if that small act prompted her to share kindness with others that day.

Anyway, so when i got to Redima, they all loved the bread and wanted the details about the recipe etc. I tried to explain to them how grateful i was for their guidance and presence and continued hospitality, and was met with many hugs and lots of kisses. Then....after i explained how today (well yesterday now) we celebrate our holiday with turkey, yadda yadda stuff---my "boss" Ada, goes out to buy sweet breads for us to celebrate the holidays at work! I was just like are you kidding me?? Here i was trying to express my gratitude by bringing them in a treat, and then they go out to try and make me feel better about missing "my" holiday and bring back more food for us to share together. This is just a small insight into how truly giving they are. Their generousity and ultimate self-gift is so profoundly moving for me. I am blessed by their small acts everyday, and everyday i just wonder how i can be more like them, more generous, more giving. For those of you who know me, sharing is definitely not my strong point. But i´m trying so hard to work on it!

After my day at Redima, Karla and I spent the afternoon together, and it was just lovely---we sat and shared coffee and talked about holiday memories, and how this year will always be special to us, even though we miss home and are sad. We will continue to have countless holidays with our families, but this year, we will never get back. We tried to keep reminding ourselves of how lucky we are just to be here experiencing this--gaining this insight and growth, making these relationships, having these conversations--so much to be grateful for. My whole family even called too from Boston and I got to talk with everyone, which was amazing! it was like I was right there with them--sitting at the table, laughing at the craziness that is my family :-)

The day only continued to get better at Semillas---i don´t know what else to say except i love those kids. I absolutely adore them. They have become what I think about during my daydreaming episodes--I wonder about what they´re doing at school, what they´re doing at home, what they´re eating, if they´re eating, if they´re parents are home, what activity i can play with them today, how i can be more creative with them, how i can get them to be more creative with their own ideas---they consume my thoughts. I am greeted everday by tons of hugs and kisses, and until yesterday I don´t think i ever really appreciated how much love I am shown everyday. Without fail. They are all so beautiful. After semillas Karla and I headed back down to the "center" of arbolito and sat on the curb enjoying a chocolate pan--a little holiday treat we gave ourselves. Sitting there in that moment, I felt it again--joy, yes I was sad I wasn´t home, but that didn´t change how profound my feeling of joy was. It was so simple, but there was no place else i would have rather been then right there, sitting with Karla, talking about Semillas kids, and laughing about the stupid shitt they do everyday.

We ended the afternoon by having everyone in our Rostro volunteer community over for an ecua holiday dinner---no turkey, but there was some chicken--rice, maduros, and veggies--it was delicious--and karla and i made another banana bread to have after dinner. Oh and how could i forget! Lupe!! made our thanksgiving dinner---yes---she came to our house because she knew it was a holiday for us, and helped cook for everyone---she wanted us to have a beautiful, delicious dinner, and therefore made sure it would be. I am continually blown away by all that is Lupe. She is one of the most giving people I have ever met.

And it still isn´t over--tonight we are all invited over to our friend Pat´s house for a "real" thanksgiving dinner--turkey and all the other stuff will be there---how lucky are we?? no seriously, how freaking lucky are we? I really can´t get over it at times. Here I am celebrating two delicious meals with plenty of people who may as well be my family, and then there are some of my semillas kids who are content each night eating a plate of rice. How does that not break your heart?

So yeah....I am grateful....and I am joyful....sad, but joyful. I love my life here, and find such beauty in so many small moments each day. While I wished I could´ve been at Jacki´s pre-holiday party on Wednesday night playing trivial pursuit or left right center while eating pumpkin pie, I know I will have plenty more of those memories to come. Would I have loved to crash at the Altieri´s for some crazy Kelly fun and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, absolutely, but I have my whole life to live next door to that family that I love so much. Right now, I am here in Ecuador, and in this moment I am grateful for all that that means to me.

Oh yeah, and I am thankful that I am officially "lice-free" ,-)

drum roll please....

well it´s finally happened.

i have lice. ha. mom, please don´t stress. as i´m writing this, i´m just laughing. it´s really just too funny. i don´t want you to think i´m freaking out, because honestly, i´ve been very calm about this. maybe three months ago i would´ve had a cow, but right now, it´s just too comical. it was absolutely inevitable too.

there are a handful of kids at semillas who have it, and the other day i came home from work and went to lupe´s, and was just like, " lupe, my head is really itchy, i think i might have lice" and she was like "come here mi hija". so i sat down while she combed through my hair, picking little "piojos" out left and right. there was something very soothing about this whole process. as disgusting as it is, i felt very tranquila and safe, and unaffected whatsoever. lupe just kept saying, "don´t worry hunny we´ll fix this, we´ll get through it". i was so at ease.

let me be the first to say, i was always completely grossed out by lice before i came here. even the thought of it made me tic, but seriously, it´s not that bad. i´m really okay, and it´s not even that itchy. it´s just another "ecua" thing here, that is absolutely a part of life. while i might get rid of them now, the probability that i will get them again before i leave is very high, so why freak when there´s no need.

in other news---field trip today!! woot woooooot! and guess where we´re going?!?!
MCDONALDS!!

yup that´s right---straight to the golden arches! the kids are really pumped too, i hope everything goes smoothly--again the best 10 kids from the past week were invited to come. hamberguesas for all! :-)

let´s see what else to report on: well, we´ve started a new little running club here in arbolito--tom and i are the main members, but theresa and dan have joined in a few times too. it´s a really nice way to start my mornings--behind our house is literally barren land, uninhabited, kinda looks like the african savannah, so we just run out as far as we feel like and then turn back around to head back. it´s so peaceful and quiet, and i really enjoy the conversations that take place during those runs. well, sometimes tom forgets that he´s a harvard trained football player running with an unathletic female, and he can get a little too intense for my out of shape abilities, so the conversation at least takes my mind off the fact that i´m usually sucking wind.

and i´ve also been tutoring 2 little girls in english every afternoon after semillas---it is absolutely one of the highlights of my day--they are soo sweet and adorable, and i LOVE them. Evelyn is 8 and Angie is 12 and we have SO much fun together. i taught them the ABC´s and head, shoulders, knees and toes (which they loved!) and now we are working on numbers, colors, and days of the week. we just laugh so much, and it´s always very chill. they´re jsut awesome girls, and i´m so happy to have them be a part of my ecualife.

that´s about it for now folks. life is still really good here, still really funny all the time--lots of laughter being had in the arbolito house--yesterday in particular with a certain bathroom incident that i will not be elaborating on, but use your imagination.

anyway, i love and miss you ALL so freaking much. i´m sending you cyber hugs as we speak!
keep the letters coming--they are such a high for me!
paz y amor,
lupita

baby when the lights go out....aka se fue la luz

alright--so get this.

we´re short on power----no let me refrase that: ecuador is short on power.

what exactly does this mean? well, ecuador gets its power from a river/water source/ or something like that (i´m still not so great on translating general media, i.e. newspapers, news, etc) and it has not rained a day since i´ve gotten here (3months). hence the river is low....hence it´s not generating power----hence....and here comes the clincher----we lose power everyday for about 5 hours---also known as "rolling blackouts"....again what does this all mean??

well everyday i wake up with no power---not really a big deal, seeing that it´s bright out and we don´t really use power for anything in the morning. but then the power goes out again at about 6:30pm to around 9:30pm....hmmm what time does the sun set here--oh yeah that´s right, 6:30pm, pitch blackness---DARKNESS, you would think it´s 10pm at night at that time...so basically what we´re living is this: cooking in the dark, reading in the dark, showering in the dark, planning activities in the dark, sitting in the dark, talking in the dark, praying in the dark, doing yoga in the dark, peeing in the dark and the list goes on....we´ve been doing this black out thing for about a week now, and i was like alright, i´m okay, yeah it creeps me out and all, but i can handle this for a few more days----wait for it......wait for it----you probably already know what´s coming

we were told yesterday that this will probably go on for 60 DAYS!!! ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!! 60 DAYS! YOU´VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! we will not have power until the "rains" come. i´m strangely starting to feel like noah. me and karla literally just looked at each other and started hysterically laughing....and then the tears came--i mean seriously??? what is my life??.....now this may not seem like a big deal, and i guess it is pretty minor, but try to imagine cooking a meal for five people by candlelight, try to imagine showering in the pitch black---it really isn´t easy! thank god for gas stoves, but still! i just had to vent a bit because as we´re experiencing, and continuing to live: ECUADOR ALWAYS WINS. punto.

thank god i brought a headlamp.

Aloja Loja!

Hi Mom, Dad, Brandon, Grams, Auntie, Voutey Girls, Altieri´s, Kanoffs, family, friends, everyone I love!

¿How are you all? Todo bien I hope. Again as I sit down to write this entry, I feel like I have so much to say and am not quite sure how to write it--so many GREAT things have been going on in my life---the most exciting probably being the four day vacation I took to Vilcabamba, Loja this past weekend. Absolutely amazing. I´m going to try my best to update you on this crazy life, but my thoughts are most likely going to be scattered, per usual. Let´s see how this turns out.

Here goes....

So last friday at about 11pm, Mary, Megan, and I set out for our destination---Le Rendezvous Hosteria in Vilcabamba, Loja--aka the ciudad de juventud---or city of youth. Megan had been talking about Vilcabamba for a while saying that she really wanted to get back there during one of our long weekends, and based on her descriptions of this quaint little town, I knew that it had to be a place I visited before I left Ecuador. Let´s just say that this little town surpassed all of my expectations and now ranks pretty highly in my list of travels---I will definitely go back one day. Maybe even my honeymoon....well i guess i shouldn´t get ahead of myself ha.

You´re probably wondering why we left at 11 at night, and that is because in order to get to this lovely place, we needed to hop on a bus for 9 hrs---yeah that´s right, i was on a bus for 9hrs overnight. and surprisingly, i handled it pretty well, i guess i should also mention that this 9hr bus ride was up through the Andes mountains. so for about 2 hrs during our ascension up the rocky cliffs, i was pretty much scared shittless, but again--handled myself well ha---like i said, i´d do it again---well worth the trip. So we got to Vilcabamba at about 8am, and fortunately weren´t wiped from an overnight bus.

Our Hostel was absolutely adorable---when I say I felt like I was in a storybook--I do not lie. We had our own room, own bathroom, with HOT water, a little terrace with a hammock, and from our front door we had the most beautiful view of gardens and mountains. It was breathtaking. Not to mention, the climate in this town is described as a "constant spring"---perfectly temperate--so being there was an awesome reprieve from the hundred degree heat we face everyday here in Durán. The Hostel was run by a cute little french couple who moved to Vilcabamba after traveling there and falling in love with the place--i can totally see how that happened, so easy to do---they greeted us every morning so cheerily, and as part of our stay there we were given a DELICIOUS breakfast served fresh to us every morning on our terrace---overlooking the mountains, the gardens, the humingbirds, beauty, life etc----i need to elaborate more on this breakfast because for me it was definitely one of the highlights of my trip---fresh squeezed pinapple, mango, passion fruit and orange juice, hot, rich, brewed coffee in a cute little ceramic pot, fresh fruit cup with papaya, banana, watermelon, mango, scrambled eggs, crunchy, CRUNCHY real wheat toast with seeds and nuts and all that good stuff topped with real butter and french jam--maybe the best bread i have ever eaten--ya know what, maybe even the best breakfast i´ve ever eaten. i mean all of that paired with the view, the climate, the "vacation" feel----those mornings were beautiful. simply marvelous as my mom might say.

so after we started each day off with the breakfast of champions---we´d head out to do some more lovely things---i.e. go horseback riding in the mountains (1st time i´ve EVER riden a horse, also 1st time I almost died on a horse---well maybe that´s exaggerating a bit, but let´s just say once is enough), shop around at the cute artisan markets, sit in café´s and eat more delicious food---crepes being one of my favorites---oh, or get massages at one of the many spas that the town prides itself on....yeah this sounds ridiculous doesn´t it---it was---that juxtaposed next to my life in Durán--you really can´t get more opposite. and i´m not saying i "deserved" this vacation after living in Durán for 3 months, because it´s not like that either---it´s just that this was definitely a time to replenish---a time to focus on me for a little bit, and enjoy some of the beautiful things Ecuador has to offer. i hope this doesn´t sound selfish, well i guess in a way it kind of was...but a good selfish---like it was necessary for me to take care of myself, and breathe for a bit, so that i could continue to grow and take care of others---and i really don´t even think im rationalizing.

anyways---i guess what i´m trying to say is that Vilcabamba was the clean, pure, breath of fresh air that i was really craving. and we had SO much fun---Mary is just hilarious--so funny and real--traveling with her was a great decision because we were on the same page for everything we wanted to do. i never felt that stress or obligation that i had to sacrifice or "do" something i didn´t want to just to compromise with what the group wanted to do. we always agreed which was easy. and what else... let´s see---i mean there really isn´t much else to say---overall just so relaxing, so chill, so fun, and necessary. if i had to put a number on this trip it would definitely get a 9.5/10---the only thing that would´ve made it better would´ve been if my mom was there to have breakfast with me every morning. all i kept thinking about was---geeze my mom would love this moment---maybe one day she´ll come back with me, but i think we´d have to fly there because there´s no way in hell she´d ever get on the same bus i did--sorry mom!

back to work on wednesday after a lovely trip...however, i really wasn´t dreading it---redima wasn´t bad, and semillas was...well...okay---we had another incident on wednesday, but i really can´t even get into it right now---maybe in time i´ll be able to write about it, but for right now, it´s still pretty raw.

and today is friday---these weeks just keep on flying! 3 months! i´ve been here for 3 months, and i still can´t believe it. it scares me when i turn the page on my calendar without ever even looking at the month that passed. so bizarre.

well i´ve gotta run, there´s more i could say, but i´ve just spent way to much time and money in this stupid little cyber. oh! i need to give a little shout out to Big Bri---he needs to know how much he brightened my day this past wednesday after a really shitty semillas afternoon. so thank you for that. seriously.

i love love love you all, but i hope you know that. happy belated birthday Troy! i was thinking about you yesterday, but couldn´t get to a computer!

the letters have all been great! thank you everyone!

i´m going to try and put pictures of vilcabamba up soon---but also check out mary´s blog because she might get them up quicker than i can--marycarlton.blogspot.com

miss you mucho!
xoxox,
lupita

life´s simple pleasures

Saludos familia y amigos!

Today I came home from work and was so anxious to blog--i felt like i had so much to say, so much to tell---so I literally "ran" to the cyber--and on my way passed a bloody chicken head, smelt horrible burning trash, heard blasting reggaeton from one of our bizarre neighbor´s house, and the entire time was grinning from ear to ear. i feel like i´m glowing---maybe that´s because i´m actually sweating right now, but you get the picture.

These past two weeks have been ridiculous. Jam packed with so much. The last time I wrote I was anxiously awaiting my first retreat group from Villanova and while I still don´t really know what they felt/thought of their experience here, for me---it was a life-giving week. All of my nerves were immediately calmed after meeting them and feeling their energy and enthusiasm. I could not have anticipated a better experience---their reflections were so profound, I would literally leave them with insight that I had never even thought of before. During one of the reflections I had voiced how I just FEEL so much here, everything is intensified--things are never just¨"good" or "bad"---they are extreme--amazing or horrible...I never have just mezza mez days, they range from "wow, this day was absolutely beautiful, I cannot get over how much love I feel" to "holy shitt this world is so ugly and I´m just so angry and upset with what i´m living" Literally, this is the polarity of my emotions. But then, one of the retreatants said to me, "Jamie at least you feel"---and I had never really thought about this before. How easy it is to go through life in the mundane---to wake up go to work, eat lunch, come home, work out, eat dinner, go to bed---and then repeat. While a lot of times what I feel is harsh and raw and cruel, she forced me to recognize, at least I feel. At least I know my heart is working right? As tough as it is, I think I would rather be this full of emotion than feel nothing at all....so yeah, just something to ponder.

Ultimately, Villanova forced me to question A LOT---a lot about my purpose here, a lot about my intentions, and most importantly a lot about my faith. After they left, I felt completely disoriented and thrown for a loop, but again, I find this to be a good thing. The questions are good---I don´t want to have these firm beliefs that can´t be tested or questioned, or be so single minded that I am ignorant or stubborn to other ways of thinking. A few of them recommended I read some books by Shane Claiborne, and while I was hesitant at first, I´m finding a lot of meaning in them. If anyone has any free time for some pleasure reading, (or some thought provoking matieral) I would definitely recommend The Irresistible Revolution---it´s so eye opening--and just puts "life" so simply and honestly. Check it out if you have time, seriously. So all in all---Villanova=great group. I feel so blessed to have been able to get to know them and have such intense conversations about this life we´re all living. At times I felt like I was the one on retreat and they were leading me.

So this past weekend our entire RdC community went on our own retreat down to the beach in Las Playas...it could not have come at a more perfect time--our community has been going through some pretty difficult things, and we all really needed this time to take a step back, breathe, and restore ourselves. It was such a beautiful weekend. We stayed at a friend of Rostro´s beach house, and it was absolutely perfect. While the weather was overcast (and I still managed to get severely burned) it was nice to have a cozy weekend away and space to think and reflect. The whole time I felt like i was a part of a big family reunion--with all my cousins, etc. It´s hard to describe but you know those days when it´s cloudy and a little chilly and you can put on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and still sit outside on the beach and be perfectly content enjoying the weather---it was like that, wow what a run on--i liked it better because it was cool and i could be cozy-- sort of thing--if that makes any sense at all ha. And there were tons of hammocks on the roof--talk about a perfect spot. Waking up in the morning, and taking my journal up to the roof with a blanket and just letting my thoughts flow--such a great way to wake up. And we ate like Americans haha! french toast, apples, deli sandwiches, hamburgers, oreos, m & ms, chicken, doritos, starburst, salad, granola, yogurt--it was a feast let me tell you---but so overdue. never in my life would i think i´d be so excited over a turkey sandwich and ruffles haha---oh the simple pleasures. We laughed so much too about ridiculous things, played soccer on the beach, swam in the huge waves--even though it was pretty cold, and had some great conversations. Mary and I also sang a lot of broadway tunes which was wonderful obvi...i´m not sure what the others thought about it, but we certainly enjoyed ourselves ha!

Most of the retreat focused on our five senses---and getting back in tune with them. I feel like i´ve used the word sensory overload a lot here, and this past weekend, we had a chance to re-evaluate exactly what we are constantly sensing. We also examined five questions continuously during the retreat---- "What do I know, what do i value, what do i feel, what do i do, and what do i need?" it seems so easy right? but if you really think about it, these five questions are pretty difficult, and a little overwhelming. I´ve basically come to the conclusion that I don´t know much at all, that I need a heck of a lot, that i´m not really sure what exactly i do, that most of the time i feel confused, and essentially I value love above all things. Period. That´s about as far as I got after a lot of reflection and endless ruminating. We used these five questions to talk about ourselves, to talk about our relationship with God and to talk about our communities. It was such an interesting exercise. Again it sounds so simple, but try it, you may find yourself really surprised.

And what else...I feel like there should be more, but for right now i´m pretty exhausted---I actually wrote this entry in two sittings because I ran out of time and had to get to Semillas....which I need to note was stellar today---only 15 kiddos, and they were little angels. So sweet and cute and quiet! We colored, we played games, it was awesome. What a way to start the week :-)

So I think i´m going to end on that good note---Tom and I are making grilled cheese tonight for dinner with banana smoothies. I´m not gonna lie, i´m pretty pumped for that.

Please continue praying for me and my community---we´re trying so hard to live in harmony, and be loving towards each other, but as you can imagine i´m sure, it´s really difficult at times.....still we move forward---adelante!

I love you all so much, and miss you dearly! I´m going to try and post some pictures really soon--but again, these darn computers are so stinking slow!

Con un abrazo fuerte, y un monton de besitos,
Lupita

oh happy day....

so i feel good...no i feel great right now.

this has been a beautiful week so far. lots and lots of laughter, lots of bonding, and lots of sighs of relief....i´m finally finding a rhythm.

i think it started last friday with our RdC day of reflection. about every month our whole group comes together to reflect upon what´s going on thus far...how are we feeling, what´s on our minds, and there´s also a lot of focus placed on the pillars of which Rostro is based on. this past week we talked a lot about simplicity. at first it seemed really easy to put attention on material simplicity and how we´re doing in regards to that; what are we eating, how much are we spending, what are we doing wtih our spare time yadda yadda, and while a lot of times it can seem extreme what i may be doing--the whole no internet in the house, no ipod, no tv, no coffee pot, no air conditioning and the list goes on....i think what last friday really allowed me to focus on was spiritual and mental simplicity. let me try and explain. and in doing so, i´m going to refer to one of the readings that was given to us by thomas merton on detachment. merton basically writes a lot about how we can become "attached" to so many things in life, so many thoughts, so many ideas, so many expectations, fears, people, goals, habits----and that these attachments can become barriers to attaining the peace and tranquility that God has reserved for us. i for one am attached to so many things, i´m attached to my fears, my habits, my expectations for this year and for my life, to my relationships---so many worries, so many thoughts that keep me from letting go, from just "being". there is only so much i can control, i have to stop, i have to just let life take its course and live every moment gracefully and as fully as i possibly can.

this week both at semillas and at redima i really tried to just "be". i took in every detail, every conversation, every observation, paused, reflected, prayed, and did my best to be present in everything i did. whether it was listening to a patient talk about her trials in trying to get pregnant, or help jonathan with his math activity, i put every ounce of energy i had into what was happening in these moments. while it may have not been completely successful all the time, i.e. i still got upset and frustrated with certain things, by the end of most days, i felt i was not as emotionally exhausted as i normally am. for the first time since i´ve been here, i felt that this week i was able to really bond with my community mates, to laugh and talk and shoot the shitt with them. i felt lighter, and carefree, and just happier. we even danced it was great! oh but i guess i should include a funny little story, that is so ironic really....

so yes i am adopting this new mindset, of letting go, of just living fully and trying to not stress, but as always i am far from perfect. so thursday-- dan and i got into a little heated discussion, no okay lets say argument---our first really big one---and i was pissed...i´m not going to go into details, but what ended up happening was me storming out of the kitchen and slamming my bedroom door hard, like really hard....while i simmered in there for a solid ten minutes, karla finally came to the door and asked if she could come in (she has been such a rock for me here, i can´t even tell you how supportive she has been with me)....knowing fully that i had just made a really immature move and acted like a baby i said yes, and asked her to come in....well here came the problem. she couldn´t open the door. it was stuck/jammed---yes i broke it---totally broke it, and remained stuck in my room for another fifteen minutes while karla and michele tried to free me. this ended with having to take the door knob off and using many different tools to pry the door open. mind you i couldn´t just jump out the window because we have bars on them....so yes i was indeed locked in my room...the irony of it was just perfect, God was laughing at me for losing my temper and patience, and i couldnt help but laugh as well...neither could dan, who after i escaped had the biggest smirk on his face. needless to say, i apologized, and we had a good conversation after the fact. and at least it ended on a positive note....well not for tom who has to fix the door. ha!

so que mas....oh! this weekend, our community mates from mt. sinaii have also been staying with us, and that has just been fabulous! i love having them here in arbolito--they are the four volunteers from last year who decided to stay another year and work on building a new community about 45 minutes away from duran. we have had so much fun with them. last night we went to our guard abrahan´s 32 birthday party--our first ecua party---and honestly it was not as awkward as i anticipated it to be. i mean it was ridiculous, but doable. the invitation said 8:30p, but of course you don´t show up until 2 hours after the fact in ecuador, so the 15 of us gringos showed up at 10:30 to a room filled with ecuadorians, blasting music, a fog machine, and lots of salsa dancing. we didn´t stick out or anything. ;-)

but in all seriousness, it was fun. we danced, or at least tried to, we ate, and attempted to chat amidst the unbearably loud music. that was pretty futile considering i can barely understand spanish when people are screaming it at me in a silent room---so this involved a lot of head nodding and smiling ha---at 2oclock when we left, the party was still going on, and continued to go on till 7:30am this morning---how do we know that, oh yeah we live down the street from abrahan´s house! so some of us could still hear it!

not really much else to comment on---i just want to reiterate how much better i am doing, after so many negative posts---geeze i reread some of my entries and even felt bad for myself---i swear, i´m better--smiling and still crazy, but more my usual self. which for some of you i´m sure is a relief. i think some of it may have to do with the pancake breakfast theresa and i made for dinner thursday night---having chocolate chip pancakes can put anyone in a good mood. oh also! my retreat group is coming TONIGHT!! ahh i´m so nervous, but really pumped--it´s villanova, and i´ve only heard amazing things about them. i´m excited to walk through this experience with them, and see Duran through their eyes. i think it will be a nice refresher to some of the things that i have gotten immune to, and also bring in some new perspectives about this community. a great learning experience for both of us....so as nervous as i am, i really hope it goes well, and would appreciate any prayers you all have to offer up to them and to me for this upcoming ten days! added perk--no work this week!!! woot woot! but i will inevitably be exhausted i´m sure, i´ve heard retreat groups take SO much out of you, but are well worth it in the end...time will tell...

alright, well i´ve gotta run---still so many things to do before they get here, and we have BINGO tonight at our church at 7---talk about excitement, no seriously, im excited! ha

i know i owe so many people personal emails, but we have lost power three times this week and the internet has not been functioning here in arbolito---i promise i will get back to you, i just can´t say when, it might not be for another ten days after this group, but i have not forgotten!

i love and miss you all, and thank you for your continued support! i´m smiling as i write this knowing that it´s saturday for you as well, and hopefully the majority of you are relaxing and taking in a nice october evening!

con un abrazo y un monton de besitos,
lupita