A nurse goes to Ecuador...

so long, farewell.....auf wiedersehen, goodnight

2010-07-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

well...this is it folks.....my year is ending.

to be quite honest i don´t even know where to begin. how did this happen? where did the days go? these past two weeks have been an absolute rollercoaster of emotion....some of my highest moments and some of my most poignant moments of the entire year. it´s really mentally exhausting.

i know that while going through it, this year felt LONG. sometimes it felt like it would never end. when i look back to the beginning of my time here, and see how i was really keen on crossing out days on my calendar(it was a habit that gave me a little strength...just trying to make it through each one), i am reminded of how hard "this" used to be. how homesick i was. but now....it´s like i´m trying to stop time....trying to make it go as slow as possible. savoring every moment. having those beautiful "thin place" experiences. i have no idea what is ahead of me, or what this whole "goodbye" process is going to look like. i can only imagine that it is going to hurt like hell. i always said, i would come to ecuador in tears, and probably leave worse off then i came---everyone knows the llorona that i am. but i know it will be okay. these friendships, these relationships i have here. i know they´re real. and this is not the end. it can´t be. ecuador will be a part of my life forever, there´s no way i could let go that easily.

and heck, everyone knows i´m the best letter writer ever(come on, at least i got that). but still i can´t help but let my mind wander daily to what it will be like when i have to leave this place that has become my hogar.

on sunday we had our final despedida party with all of our friends and neighbors. now, let me just give a little background on this---i was literally stressing out, while i do love to entertain, throwing a party for over a 100 ecuas, didn´t quite sound like it was going to go over smoothly, and on top of it, 5 very different people in charge of coordinating it...yeah, not so fun.....however, this fiesta went off without a hitch....it was a freaking awsome party....on top of it, the mundial was on, so of cours ppl were pumped. so here was the scene:approx 100 degrees, small little tent, tiny little tv, 50 or so ecuas crowding this tv, melted candy, greasy fried maduros, lots of waka waka dancing, lots of waving the flag dancing, musical chairs, penetencias, rifa prizes, screaming children, laughing children, balloon popping, cola pouring, did i mention it was hot as hell??? reggaeton dancing, yeah it was ridiculous---however, probably one of the best parties i have ever been too....i didn´t anticipate myself enjoying it as much as i did, because i just accepted the fact that i was going to be a hostess----but i guess thats what happens when you don´t have expectations....just so much fun. a day i will remember forever.

and the week goes on. we are in the midst of so much planning. planning for the newbies coming, cleaning the houses, organizing their orientation, leaving our job sites, how we´re going to say goodbye....what we "might" do when we go home....you can imagine how stressful it all is. transitions are really hard for me, but i know they always work out. i just have to keep reminding myself that God brought me here for a reason, and because of that, He´s going to help me figure the rest of "this" out---going home, reaclimating to life in the US, and figuring out where i´m headed next. when i keep that mindset, i can breathe a little bit easier.

another little addedum to my time here as well, is that i´m actually going to be leaving earlier than my housemates. most of you might know this already, but, for those of you who don´t, my best friend leslie is going to be getting married August 7th! and after many conversations and talks with my community i´ve decided that i cannot miss this wedding. for me this whole year has been about relationships, true friendships, and being there for those people in my life that i love and care about----now, while it´s going to be really hard to get on a plane alone, leaving behind so many people i love, this moment in my friends life is so special and important, and it would be such a shame if i missed it. i will eventually have to leave ecuador, no matter how hard it will be. at least now, i will have the opportunity to jump right back into life, sharing in a beautiful moment with some of my most special friends. :-)

and until then, it´s literally this idea of "no regrets"---there´s no time left---i´m trying to do everything i possibly can in the amount of time i have....spending afternoons with all my favorite friends, tejeríng with pastora, coloring with my neighbors, eating all the ecua food i love so much, hugging as many ADHD kids as i can each day (even though they´ve been driving me crazy!!!--semillas numbers have been in the 90´s for the past week, i´m ready to leave this behind....) and just hanging out with my community mates. it´s now or never. even though i know i´ll come back to ecuador, it will never be the same as how it is now.

emotions have been really fragile in our house lately because we´re all a little on edge, but these past few weeks have also probably been the most fun for us as well. it´s been a constant comedy show in our house. lots of crazy freak outs, but also a lot of kodak moments....recently tom has been sharing with us new insight into his "Abs diet" (he recently found the book buried in a pile of old books...and to be honest, that´s where it should´ve stayed)--he really loves the superfoods these days, and if you´d like to know what they are, you should ask him, he´s an expert by now...dan and i have probably had about 3 huge fights in the past week, like screaming matches (well i guess i was the only one screaming) but then we make up until the next day when something else sets us off, and theresa is actually leaving next week because she´s off to med school, so everytime i see her start crying i start crying, she´s so funny though because sometimes she just can´t handle our craziness and walks out of the room...so then we call her in and say "THERESAAA, THEREESSAAA come hang out with us" and she goes..."ya know what... you guys are just a little to much for me right now", and heads to her room. she´s far too sane to be around us 24/7....and karla, well karla´s been pretty normal too i guess, a constant normal this whole year. she´s definitely the buffer of this whole equation. i don´t know what we wouldve done without her this year. the whole lot of us are a bunch of nutjobs really...but. living together for a year, you start to just become accustomed to everyone´s craziness. i think one of the hardest parts of leaving ecuador will be leaving my housemates, who i have grown to love so much. they have been my support system this entire year, regardless of how often we fight or scream at each other...i am going to miss them so much. but at least in the states we´ll have cell phones...won´t that be a new adjustment?

so anyway---that hodgepodged blog was a little bit of insight into my life these past few weeks/days....now begins all the "lasts" moments---which will be hard, i know, but we´ll make it through. i started writing this blog thinking it would be my last too, but now that i´m thinking about it, i feel like i´m not ready to end it yet. for all my loyal readers out there, i think there will be one more--no i promise there will be one more. it might be even messier than what i usually write, but there will be a "last".

so to send you off, i just want to say thank you again for all of the support. for the hundreds of letters i´ve received, the sour watermelons that never ceased, the endless amounts of prayers and love that you have shown to me throughout my time here. i would not have made it without you all. you have shown me love in it´s most raw form, and i appreciate every bit of it.

when i come home, i look forward to having conversations with everyone. god knows i´m going to need to process this year, and "what" exactly it was.....but until that time, know that i am still praying for you and your wellbeing. i love you all so much. stay joyful and present to the moment you´re in.

love always,
jamie

ahhhhh ecuador, sometimes ya just kill me!!!

2010-06-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

hello all!

so it´s june 27th, JUNE 27!!! can you freaking believe it?? i certainly can´t. almost a year has passed, and it´s still really hard for me to comprehend. i STILL feel like this culture and this country are so foreign to me. yes i´ve learned a ton, but there is still SO MUCH that i can´t seem to grasp. everyday new challenges, new adventures, new "cultural customs" i encounter--that blow my mine. karla and i were just saying this morning, "ecuador, why do you continue to frustrate me...." let me try and explain. this whole weekend has been a sequence of mishaps that fortunately, have ended positively, but nevertheless, have been completely stressful.

it started on friday with our paseo. we were so excited---taking 13 kids to see Toy Story 3. heck, we were probably more excited than the kids....but let´s take a look at what happened. while organizing the kids we realized, oh wait, we´ve got one extra, Ivan brought his little brother Diego, 5---now, let me pose this to you all, how do you tell this little child he can´t go?? how? seriously, i couldn´t do it. he was so excited, and again here we go with the miscommunication, he thought he was going, was ready to go, and excited to go....we had no choice but to bring him along. blip number 1, and now onto number 2, Raul, one of our oldest kids, who we have slowly but surely gained the trust of, told us he couldn´t come because he had to watch his little brother Josue.....ughhh dilemma, we wanted him to be able to go so badly because he really deserved it---so what did we do, we took both of them.... now we have 13 other kids looking at us like, and probably wondering, what the hell are these gringos doing----ya know what, you just can´t win...you´re never going to please everyone right? so much stress, so much anxiety---bringing 15 kids into the city of Guayaquil is anything but enjoyable. crossing streets, holding hands, trying to get there on time...i swear, i felt like i was going to have a heart attack by the end....but long story short, we got there, the movie was HILARIOUS, even in spanish, so witty and clever--i recommend it to anyone---josue actually wanted to sit on my lap while watching the movie, and that for me was probably one of the moments that made the whole day worth it. he was so cuddly and cute and watching him laugh and smile made me relax and realize, ya know what it´s all gonna be okay. i just wish the the stress of the whole day didn´t have to be so ingrained in my head as well....

now onto saturday----another day of crazy ecua disorganization, if that´s even a word.....our parish, virgin of perpetual help, had it´s feast day, so in honor of that we put on one of those church festivals, minus the carnival, minus the cotton candy....our group, rostro that is, was in charge of making popcorn to sell.....now let´s remind ourselves, here we are in ecuador, there are no microwaves, so thanks to karla who slaved away in the kitchen for about 4 hours, we made 5lbs of popcorn, on the stove, in a pot, trying at best not to burn anything....so obnoxious...absolutely obnoxious....and the thing is we probably spent 5 dollars making all of it, and sold each bag for 25 cents....i believe our profit was about 2 dollars!! ahhhhhh are you kidding me?? so frustrating....anyway, the event was fun last night, lots of ecua singing and hand gestures----even some reggaeton which is always surprising at a church function. but all in all it was fun, just inefficient i felt....but again who am i to judge...

and today----so while karla was busy making popcorn, i was doing 8 loads of laundry from all of the donations that retreat groups leave behind. reason for this being, today a group of high school students from nuevo mundo was sponsoring a tag sale, pulgero, to help raise money to renovate the park we use at semillas....again great idea, but so poorly organized. and doing freaking 8 loads of laundry in one day is enough to make anyone cranky(maybe that´s partially our fault, but who has time??).....so yeah, we got all the clothes cleaned, then brought them over to the tag sale which we were told would start at 11, however, low and behold, they decided to start at 9!!! wtf? seriously ecuador? if anything, we were expecting a late start time, but oh no not this time....you really can´t win---so every person that we had told about the tag sale was extremely upset at us because we told them 11, and basically all the clothes were gone by 10am.....ughhhhhhh YOU JUST CAN´T WIN!!!

so yeah, that was my venting session at the frustration i´m feeling right now in regards to this country. i just feel like everytime we try to do something "good", it either a. turns into a ridiculous amount of stress b. turns into something we can´t even participate in or c. well i guess a and b suffice.....i´m finding that it´s just really hard for me STILL to acclimate to the culture here. things are done so differently, i see things as very unorganized and i´m constantly getting stressed when it´s really something i shouldn´t stress about.....i´m ready to come home. and do things in an orderly manner. to speak my own language and organize events in the way i would like them to run....now i know that sounds extremely egotistical and self-centered, but i´m just really tired. and i think that my type A personality just does not coincide with life here. seriously it doesn´t......

okay so let me end on a few positive notes, because that rant was probably unnecessary......1. i just had my final retreat group seattle u with me for the past week, and they were awesome....i had somuch fun with them, and they were truly a great note to end my year on. 2. dan´s parents are here for a few days and they are providing all of us with much needed laughs and parental comforts, not to mention they brought the entire trader joe´s stock to our house in about 4 suitcases---very much appreciated!! and 3. due to the lack of time i have left in ecuador, i feel very free, in the sense that i am just trying to enjoy every minute i possibly can with every person i want to spend time with---obviously there have been a few road blocks this past week, but all in all, things are really great. i am just a the point right now where i feel excited and ready to come home. of course goodbyes are going to be so painful, but i knew this was coming, and i signed up for it. so as with everything in my life, i´m going to take it a day at a time, and just enjoy where i´m at right now, in this moment. because let´s face it, this moment is the only one that matters....

just breathe.....period.

love you all so much,
jamie

so wave your flag....

2010-06-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

ya know what, i don´t even know where to begin....this entry is literally going to come out like word vomit, so i apologize in advance---let me start....

MANY MANY things have been happening here, SO many amazing experiences, life has been incredible. and i´m loving every minute. just recently i had the absolute pleasure of having my college roommate katie come here to visit me, and it was such a blessing! her being here was such a gift because essentially i know i´m going to struggle coming home and trying to explain this year to people. as hard as i try, there really aren´t words for what i´m feeling and experiencing. and now i know at least one person will be able to understand what i´m trying to convey by my stories and reflections. and as always katie is such a calming presence, very comforting, putting all my worries at ease.

from the moment katie got here, i knew we were going to have an amazing time. although almost a year has passed since i´ve seen here, it was like we just picked back up where we left off, and started again. it was so normal! catching up on so much, eating reeses and sour patch kids, and laughing at the most ridiculous things---ahhh such a breath of normalcy. i know that i have so much support here, but having katie here made me realize that i also have support back at home---and that has calmed my nerves a ton! such a great visit, that i know i will always remember! THANKS KTO!!!!

the great thing was too, this past friday, all of our afterschool programs had a huge soccer tournament in honor of the mundial---and it was EXCELLENT!! i mean there was so much intensity and spirit and pride! our kids were awesome. i literally felt like i was at a world cup game, okay maybe not, but i was like a crazy mom at a sporting event! jumping and screaming, singing and running! ha i was a freaking nut, but it was soooo much fun. god help my future children for the embarrassment i will probably cause them! no, but seriously, it was a great event, and fortunately, SEMILLAS WON! they were so proud and ya know, it´s little things like this that really mean the world to them, so i was just so happy that they could have their moment in the spot light. i´m beaming right now as i write this!

so let´s see what else----well i have another retreat group arriving tonight, so i´m going to be crazy busy again for another week. it´s hard because i´ve had two amazing groups so far, and i just pray that this group follows the trend....fingers crossed!

yeah, things have been really great here, but poco a poco, i´m getting ready to go home. as awful as it sounds, i´m really looking forward to life being easier back in the states---just taking a warm shower in the morning, not having to take meds to ward off this zoo i have living in my stomach, checking my email whenever i feel like it! drinking REAL coffee!!!, not having to cook meals for five people--ughh, i know it sounds silly when my neighbors here live this life everyday without complaining, but i´m just really tired.....i can feel myself burning out slowly and it´s hard. i am not sustainable here, and that´s the realization i´m coming to. as difficult as it will be for these new volunteers to come and us to leave, i know that it´s not fair for me to stay here. my creativity is lacking, my energy is dwindling, and i´m just exhausted. i just pray for the endurance and energy source to keep me going these last two months because i´m really going to need it. as my leave date gets closer and closer, i start feeling more and more ready----kind of like, okay, i´m done, get me outta here!!! but not as extreme as that.

anyway, that´s where i´m at. i am just so freaking excited to see everyone back home. with katie here, i was just like okay, i wanna see everyone now, i want to hug all my friends, chat for hours, and catch up on life!! it´s about time right?!?!

alright, semillas time awaits me, oh a little anecdote before i go---so i was working with the chiquititos yesterday and we were pretending to be cooks, making all sorts of food, talking about colors and tastes yadda yadda, so when i yelled out, chiquititos, que color son las uvas!, what color are grapes?, i was ridiculously surprised when little josue (4) screamed out PURPLE!!! in english that is---i was like well yes that´s right but that´s english! (i think he shocked himself too) ha i swear these kids surprise me everyday---- especially because this answer came from the kid who walked behind the playground last week and took a poop in the middle of recess...ha, when i asked him why he didn´t use the bathroom, he told me he had no idea haha--all i could do was laugh!

so on that note i´m out! love you all, sending you so much happiness and positive energy!
jamie

so little time...so much to say

2010-06-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

SO MUCH has been happening, and i´m literally so busy i can´t even go into details, so here i go again with the bullets---because i feel like i want to tell you as much as i can in the little time that i have!

1. i became a godmother for the first time in my life on saturday. of course, it was ecuador, so it was a little strange, the ceremony i mean, but as a whole, a really beautiful experience. i was asked about a month ago by my friend lucy for her son andrés, and at first i was shocked and wasn´t really sure if it was something i should commit to (seeing that i´m leaving in 2 months) but she said she understood that completely, and just respected and loved me like a daughter, and always wanted me to be a part of their lives. she also said that she just likes my "forma de ser", who i am, and how i live my life. i just respect lucy so much, and really love that family. it was definitely something i prayed a ton about, and ultimately i just felt like this was something i needed to do. this family i have spent so much time with, so having her ask me to take on that responsibility was something i honestly felt honored to do. the word madrina in spanish actually means "spiritual mother", what better role to fill in someones life? and having ecuador be a part of my life forever is something i know i am ready to commit to.

2. i won at bingo this week! ha, no literally, so exciting. this past sunday, my friend saira´s high school class had a bingo to help raise money for a retreat next year. a bunch of us went to support her, and here in ecuador bingos are HUGE, so we went all out. i had 5 tablas (bingo cards), bought snacks, made banana bread to sell---it was so much fun! and the bingo was a huge success. we spent the whole day with her and it was just hilarious. we were laughing and joking with all the students, eating great food, it felt so normal. we were so ecua! oh and my prize was a bottle of hand lotion---you would´ve thought i won a flat screen or something ha!

3. this week a medical team is here from the US performing free pediatric orthopedic surgeries (mainly spines--scoliosis, club feet, malformed legs, etc) there are about 40 people with the group, and their spanish is ehh not so good....so i have been working with them translating between the patients, parents, and doctors. wow. what an amazing experience. these kids are having these amazing surgeries that otherwise wouldn´t be available to them, or they couldn´t afford them, and their lives are changing because of it. so beautiful. they are so grateful, and so humble. i am loving my role in this whole process. i have had such amazingly profound experiences this week being with these patients. little four year olds who are so brave, and 13 year olds who for the first time will stand up straight. it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. and i am so confident with my spanish. for the first time since i´ve been here, i finally feel like my spanish is a gift. like i can provide so much to a patient just by being able to speak the same language as them. being with this team this week has also made me realize that i chose the right vocation. as much as i questioned myself through college, it´s true, nursing is definitely for me. and i am so excited to get started. i literally can´t wait.

alright, i really do have more to tell you all, but i guess it´s going to have to wait. semillas will not wait for me, there will be children at the gate by the time i get there. but i miss and love you all so much!! mom i cannot wait to get to the beach with you! we are going to have so much fun! and xaverian boys---how does it feel to be graduated??? are you ready?

gotta run people, so much love i´m sending you,
ciao,
jamie

first ecua haircut!

2010-05-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

i finally did it. i cut my hair after ten months. it was absolutely necessary---any day now an animal was going to start nesting in it. so i got up the nerve to have francisca cut it, one of our neighbors. now its not that i´m picky about my hair, but i just had these horrific visions of someone getting a little too cut crazy and chopping off far more than i wanted, and then having to come home with a mullet or something. which let´s face it, no one would have said "your hair looks like shitt", but they all would´ve wondered what the heck happened down there in that country. so i asked francisca to do it, and now ya know what, i´m actually considering coming back to ecuador everytime i need a haircut, so simple, so easy. not like having to go to a salon and having to make small talk with a hairdressor you don´t know, while listening to middle aged women gossip and complain about ridiculous things. here i just sat in francisca´s house as she cut off about three inches and angled the front in a matter of 10 minutes---so easy! and i didn´t have to pay an arm and a leg to get it done!

the funny thing too was that after i was done, her daughter, genesis was like okay well now you can cut my hair-----HA! if anyone has ever seen genesis´s hair, it´s absolutely ridiculous, i´ll have to post a picture of something----long, long black, curly hair all the way down to her butt----and she goes to me, just take off like 2 or 3 inches! i´m like uhhhh, i´m not sure if you want me to do this......but i did! francisca walked me through the whole thing, and while there was a little bit of unevenness here and there, it didn´t turn out half bad ha----although i did have to deal with all the commentary from the peanut gallery---lupita, fix that part, cut more there, that sides uneven, that side you need to wet more, yadda yaddda-- from her 3 other children who were sitting there watching me. the pressure was definitely on, but i think it all turned out okay. just another ecua memory to stash away. another example of how easy going people are here, and how little stress can be involved in activities that we sometimes overanalyze. within a half an hour two of us had new haircuts, and were feeling much better! and that was that.

i may even have her do it again before i leave.

alright, gotta run peeps---sending you a big hug and lots of love,
jamie

¡gloria a dios!

2010-05-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

this has been the strangest day ever. literally. well, the week was also strange...good and bad, but overall just strange. i just have to say though, that as i sit here and write this, there is a HUGE evangelical sermon happening right outside this cyber----and all i keep hearing is "gloria a dios" repeat, repeat, repeat---it´s definitely an experience! they LOVE God, and i feel like saying to them, good for you! you go praise the lord! i´m certainly not going to stop you!

so yeah, about today---i guess the strange factor started when i had to help my little neighbor Belén chase her lost pig. She comes up and asks me, "Lupita si ha visto mi chanchito?"(lupita have you seen my little pig) and i´m like uhhh, no why? has he escaped? and she´s like yeah, will you help me catch him...so here i am, trying to find a pig, catch a pig, and get him back in his fence. it was literally one of the funniest things i´ve been a part of this year. i couldn´t help laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. "oh lupita what´d you do today, oh yah know, just helped catch a pig, nbd" but yes. it was a success, we found him in a marshy swampland next to my house and made here piggy piggy noises, to get him to come to us. so funny.

the week too---i was just in such a strange trance. like some days really high, others really low---but i think it was just from coming off my best week ever, ya know? and i think this whole transition thing is really starting to take a toll on me. i mean the new volunteers are picked, they´re coming in two months, and this is just a very odd concept for me to grasp. hence, my feelings of strange. neighbors keep telling me, this is so sad you´re leaving so soon---and i´m just like hold up! i still have two months! let´s not dwell here people!

alright, this cyber is going to close soon. i´ve got to run, even this entry is strange---there was really no point to even write it, i´m half considering just not posting it, but that would be a shame! so i´ll just end on the note i always do and tell you i still miss you all so much, hope you´re enjoying life to it´s fullest everyday, and laughing a ton! just think of me trying to catch that little piglet, that´ll certainly give you a chuckle!

love yous!
jamie

Best Week Ever

2010-05-14T15:32:00.001-07:00

ha, so i know it sounds ridiculous, but if i had to rank my weeks here in Ecuador, I think this week would top the charts. so much to tell, so little time, and so many memories to recap! i think i may do this in bullet form, so here goes:

1. SUSIE AND JIMMY B DO ECUADOR!---all of the hesitation, the anxiety, the nervousness immediately dissappated once i saw their faces in the airport--it was a reunion like no other---and the best part was....THEY BROUGHT BRANDON! okay so i´ll set the scene, they walk out and into the crowd and start telling me this story how they forgot two of their suitcases in customs, now i´m thinking to myself, are you kidding me?, how spacey can they get? not one but two suitcases?? so i´m completely distracted and trying to come up with ideas for entering back into customs, when out walks this tall kid with a hat---now i must´ve stared at him for about a whole minute before i even realized it was my brother--bc why would my brother be in ecuador--anyway, so much excitement, tons of screaming, and then security moving us towards the exit ha it was incredible!

so my parents and brother spent four full days with me and my housemates---and all of their questions were answered, both that is, those of my parents and those of my housemates as to why i´m so freaking crazy. i mean the curse words definitely increased this week, and the sarcasm was also upped a notch, but it was so much fun, i don´t think i´ve laughed that hard in a really long time. my mom was such a trooper too--although she came with her own bottled water and power bars, she went with the flow the whole time! waving down buses, eating ecua food, and handling 60 screaming kids---her tactics: miss merry mack, hangman, puzzles, and jump ropes--worked like a charm! it really could not have gone better. i was in a state of complete joy the entire time they were here, and on top of it they took us all out for dinner which was so very much needed!

my mom even said it was the best mothers day she has spent in like eighteen years--so that was huge. on top of it they had the opportunity to meet all of the people who i constantly talk about, lupe and lucy, lourdes and pastora---now they can finally put faces and names to all of the families i have come to know and love. so yeah, amazing visit, so much love exchanged and so many memories created. i will forever remember this. and as dan says now, "well at least we can all say we survived hurricane Buller" ha!

2. ya know i guess when i think about it there really isn´t anything else that spectacular to comment on. i guess my parents visit just held so much weight that i can´t really even think of anything else. today we did just get back from an awesome paseo to parque historico en guayaquil. we took 11 of our sweetest kids and it was the best paseo of all time. our kids were so well behaved, so respectful, and acted like real human beings. i was so proud of them. and even shocked by some of the questions they asked to the tourguides. at the park there were animals and gardens and the kids absolutely loved it. i mean these kids live amongst dirt rodes and barbed wire, and here they got a chance to see green grass, beautiful flowers, and cool creatures. it was a great day that i loved spending with them.

3. well now that i think about, i guess i just have had more of those amazing moments where you´re like "wow, i am so blessed to be exactly where i am" like the other day when karla, ricardo, daniel and i got coco ice creams and sat on the curb recounting the day, or when dan, karla, and i watched the sunset from our roof last night, or this morning when theresa, karla and i went out to coffee in the city (our first real cup of coffee in a really long time, and it was sooo good) i keep having these moments with people i really care about and when i´m in them i feel so much love and joy. it´s all so beautiful. and it only continues with our neighbors too. sitting crocheting with pastora and talking about crazy health remedies, laughing till my stomach hurts, or with lupe and her daughter joshua, eating chocolates and talking about boys, just like i would with anyone else. it´s so real here. life just feels so good.

and for that i had to award it: best week ever in Ecuador. and it just keeps getting better! next month i have my last retreat group and my two roommates from college are coming to visit me! can you believe it, at the beginning of the year i had no visitors, and now look at me! i am one lucky gal.

anyway, i´ve gotta say chao for now. i love and miss you all so much---especially my cousin lindsey who graduated with her masters in speech and language disorders!! you are awesome linds, i am so proud of you and miss you so much! sending love to everyone back home!
con paz y amor,
jamie

what´s your love language?

2010-05-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

just came back from a BEAUTIFUL weekend at Playas spending our third retreat together as an entire community. i honestly could not have asked for a better weekend. great beach time, awesome conversation, hysterical memories, and plenty of time to think and reflect. (side note as i sit here writing this, the afternoon school kids are just getting out of school and sending me kisses through the glass windows, it´s making my heart melt-- i am so in love with all of them!)

anyway, back on track--so yeah, this weekend. so perfect. well, after a stressful start (we kind of forgot theresa, whoops!) but don´t all travel days start like that--everybody´s yelling at everyone--f bombs are flying, who´s late, who forgot the keys, who has to turn around to go get the keys, who´s gotta pee, who´s carsick--oh wait that was me---yadda yadda--BUT we made it! and were finally able to breathe once we got there.

our retreat was led by a former volunteer, and she did an amazing job. her theme for the weekend was "the five love languages"-- really focusing on which ways we share and receive love---understanding that not everyone gives and accepts love in the same ways. i had kind of heard of this before, but never really dove any deeper. so after doing a little self analysis, i felt like i best identified with receiving and sharing love in forms of affirmation and acts of service. most of my housemates will tell you that if you clean the kitchen for me, i will love you forever, the same goes for the bathroom, taking down laundry from the line, picking up crap etc. it´s little things like that that say to me, "hey, we´re in this together, let me help you out".

on the other end, i also realized that something i truly need to feel love is for people to tell me they love me. now, while that sounds a little self absorbed let me try to explain. i think that one of the most powerful things that has helped me get through this year has been the letters and emails i´ve received from all of those people i know and love back home. receiving letters and words of encouragement has been so life giving. something tangible that i can look back on when days can be so hard is one of the most empowering experiences because trust me, there have been some hard days. But knowing and seeing, and hearing that i have love and support from back home has meant so much to me. and i know that everyone doesn´t feel that way, but for me, it is so expressive. so those were the two basic conclusions i came to at the end of the weekend--the other three types are gift giving, quality time, and touch----i mean we all know i love LOVE, so all five of the types do fit me at times, but those first two were my primary and secondary. i feel like it´s a really important thing to figure out. because not everyone loves in the same ways, and let´s face it, we´re not mind readers. so yeah, definitely a great topic of conversation for our weekend away--and they should probably do it in marriage prep or something too--wouldn´t that be helpful?

let´s see, what else....well---the padres will be coming in this friday, and let´s just say someone is pumped!! it´s been so long, and i can´t wait to see them. let alone share this experience with people back home. already neighbors have been bugging me, "when are you coming by? what do you want to eat?, where are you going to go?, you have to come to my house"...and the requests continue! it makes me excited to know that so many people want to meet my family---i can already tell this is going to be a beautiful experience. i also just can´t wait to see my mom in ecuador---sometimes i wonder what she´s going to say ha, or do---there should be some comical moments for sure!

shoot, but i gotta run--i feel like they´res so many more things i want to share with you but it´ll have to wait dinner will be ready soon and i don´t want to be late! missing you as always--loving you so fully! my heart stretches everyday for you all, i hope you know that!

love you un montón,
jamie

ya´ done son---j.b. said to c.q.

2010-04-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

hello again.

so sorry for the delay. i know i´ve been slacking---but seriously, i have been SO busy. most recently with my retreat group--a bunch of high school boys from Xaverian Brothers in Westwood, MA. let me just say, i had a lot of fun this past week---these boys definitely brought the energy, and were absolutely hysterical. i haven´t laughed so hard in a really long time. but not only were they funny and witty, they were also so loving and kind-hearted. their mere presence throughout our community brought so much warmth and compassion. sharing ecuador with them was truly a privilege for me, and i was pretty sad to see them go this morning. they reminded me a lot of all my boston friends, and kept me on my toes all week. not to mention their exquisite singing ability, i mean i haven´t heard backstreet boys like that in a really long time. these boys definitely re-energized me for what i hate to say is basically my "home stretch" here in Durán.

so yeah...this home stretch....i feel like i keep finding myself looking at the calendar and saying---but where is the time going? already it´s the end of april---how did that happen? didn´t i just get here? this time last year i was deciding what i would be doing with my life, and here i am again, at that same point saying---well what the heck am i supposed to do after this? didn´t i already go through that whole discernment process? aren´t i already supposed to "know", to be in the real world working....ughhh i guess i took a rain check on that huh?

sometimes i wonder though, if when i come home in august, this whole year, all of this, will feel like a dream. i´ll be picking up exactly where i left off---still recently graduated, with no "real" work experience, still apartmentless, still counting pennies, still unsure of so much.....and yet, ALL OF THIS has happened.

my whole year, filled with so many amazing experiences, feelings, and memories--this is now a part of who i am. does that change things? i mean, i think i´m okay with that. this may come as a shock to many of you, but i truly am a much calmer person down here. and if it´s one thing i´ve learned it´s that, really, we´re in no rush to get anywhere. my life WILL unfold as it will, whatever that may be. however, sometimes i do revert back to that nervous jamie, anxious in thinking about the "what´s next" on my life agenda.

spending time with these boys this past week helped me focus a lot on the present moment. here were a bunch of 17 and 18 year old boys ready to set off to college. so excited about what´s ahead. they have so many amazing experiences awaiting them, and while i was a bit nostalgic, it just reminded me that i really do have to savor every moment. time´s flying, and i can´t get it back---even as hard as i try. pretty soon, ecuador will be part of my past tense vocab, and that´s going to be okay. maybe hard at first, but if i keep reminding myself that i still have time here, keep focuing on the present, keep loving with my heart open, it´s going to be okay. it always is.

ya know, i don´t even really know what i just wrote about. i feel like my mind is really all over the place. so i apologize for that. well, anyway, maybe you get my drift, maybe you´re thinking, this girl has really lost it over there---either way, thanks for reading! ha--i still miss you all so much, especially the XB boys----don´t forget to email me! hope everyone is having a great sunday!
back to work on monday.....
love you un montón,
lupita

oh p.s. les and katie....only 45 days, not like i´m counting or anything!!! ahhhh get ready!

movie recommendation

2010-04-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

this is more of a PSA. last night, after banana smoothies and grilled cheeses, we watched a movie called Sin Nombre. very violent and hard to watch at times, but just so thought provoking. there are a lot of themes woven into this really well done movie, but the gist talks about immigration and crossing the border, gang presence in both latin america and the US, and a whole lot of other stuff. after watching it, we all kind of just sat there in silence. there weren´t words. i was just thinking so much about all of the immigrants i know from back home, and all of the people who have made that journey. so powerful. and then thoughts about the US´s idea of immigration and comments i have heard throughout my life came into my head too, it´s just so sad really.

i just thought i should pass it on, that´s all. i think if you have the opportunity to see it, it´s something worth watching. having a great morning here in Durán. today we´re going on a field trip to the historical park of guayaquil--the kids are really excited. our numbers have been low this week due to back to school routines, but hopefully the numbers will pick up. ha i can´t even believe i´m saying this---8 months ago and i would´ve been thrilled by our 15 census numbers, and now i´m wishing for more kids....what´s gotten into me? oh that´s right....i´ve fallen in love with all of them :-) crazy how this year is going....

sending you all lots of love, and so many happy thoughts,
jamie

back to school...back to school

2010-04-05T11:46:00.000-07:00

so today i woke up, and i smelled that smell----and no it wasn´t shitt--however, sometimes our house does smell like that....it was that "first day of school smell", and it was definitely in the air. when i went outside all the kids were back in their uniforms, hair all geled nicely, new clean socks, and shoes polished---i love first days of school, and even here, something special was in the air. there were good vibes all around.

and another holiday has passed---easter went down very nicely here---very tranquila, but very full of love too. this past weekend was pretty eventful as well. with a retreat group here last week, we entered into the weekend a little jumbled and tired, but saturday we all decided to go out to the new "rostro" land and do some painting in a small school. this new land is where rostros new house will be next year, called Mt. Sinaii----it´s about an hour from our house, and has a very similar feel to arbolito--a lot more isolated though, and not the same sense of community...well yet anyway--so we painted little red riding hood murals saturday, and then well....had a big fight ha---but i´m not gonna get into that---let´s just say community is hard, and the five of us living together is not always peaches and cream---we are all so different, and when you put five different people together you´re bound to have problems---just think of the real world---well, minus the hooking up, and crazy drunken nights, actually, nothing like the real world, i absolutely take that back....anywho---we all made up, and think it was a huge point of growth for us, then we all sat down and watched fight club, which i had never seen....and all i can really say is ....wow--what an incredible movie----geeze----some people think up the craziest things....

so i´d like to think that we´re all back on a really big upswing---oh my gosh, how could i forget.....such a huge detail! i brought my rice pie tradition down here to ecuador this week...yes...i did it....i figured, well i´m in ecuador, and there sure isn´t a shortage of rice---so i set out to do them this past weekend, and ya know what---they actually came out surprisingly well....with a lot of help from my community mates----and continual correction--"no dan, they´re not rice cakes, they´re rice pies....get it straight" i think everyone enjoyed them, or i´d like to think so anyway. regardless, i was really happy to share them, and felt like a part of me was shared with my community.

anyway folks, thats the gist of life here---things are good--neighbors are awesome---lucy is great, lupe is great----kids are sweet-----oh! and!!! this is huge---really, how could i forget---get ready for it.....MY PARENTS HAVE DECIDED TO COME---not even just decided---the ticket is booked! okay, this is huge people---brace yourselves---no, seroiusly, i am so pumped for this, i really feel like i´m glowing---i can´t wait to share this part of my life wtih them, and i know it will be great.

thats really all for now---happy belated easter----hope the candy was good--easter candy really is my favorite--and all those pretty colors!
i love you all so much, you´re always in my heart and prayers,
lupita

Duran does the Olympics.

2010-03-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

So while I may have missed the "world" olympics due to my current life situation...today i plenty made up for it by participating in our 3rd annual after school program wide Olimpiadas, or Olympic Games. And ya wanna know what, they were about 100x better than any Nancy Kerrigan ice capade. Let me set the stage. This happens every year---every year the three programs that we as volunteers run, Valdivia, Manos Abiertas, and of course Semillas compete in a grueling academic and athletic event to determine who in fact is the best program. Well, okay, that may not be the exact point, but from our stand point, there is a lot of taunting and name calling about who has the best/smartest/most athletic kids---all in fun of course. We all love our kids, in fact, we love all kids, well most of us, but it´s fun to get a little competative blood running. And we all know how I love competition.

And today were the games. The past week we have been preparing, drilling, practicing, getting ready to bring our best game to the events. Geografía, well that was easy, Jhon and Victor Cuenca can fill an Ecuador map with 24 provinces and capitals in less than 2 minutes---Matemáticas--alright, Adonis knows all his time tables and writes at rapid pace, along with José who´s only 10, but can do just as well--Lenguaje-Joselyn y Marcía, well they write better spanish than me and they´re only 11. Alright, we got this i´m thinking. Boris and Diego--two solid brothers who are so sharp and on their game. Gavi---so much creativity--he´ll definitely rock the invention convention. Solid. So much potential. And on top of it, our chiquititos--so smart--vowels, numbers, shapes, colors---damn this kids are GOOD. I´m pretty pumped to say the least.

So anyway, as today came, the nerves started building. Some may have said I went into "crazy Jamie" mode a few hours before we started, but i might beg to differ---where are the markers? the t-shirts? the cups? the face paint? the keys? the microphone? the CDs? the pencil sharpeners? Did someone remember to pop the popcorn? While I love big group events like this, they tend to make me a little...okay maybe a lot, yes, crazy---but I was still under control.

Then we get to Semillas, where the event took place---and the intensity started rising---our kids were so pumped! They looked awesome in their yellow t-shirts! We all wore yellow, Valdivia-red, and Manos-blue. They were just so excited, and with the music blasting, and our newly painted banner all ready from yesterday, we were legit. We also invited parents to come and support---it was really just a great sight.

And then we started with opening ceremonies---we had 16 kids from each program compete, but there was still a lot of kids who came to support family, brothers, friends, etc. We lined them all up with our awesome banners, played the Ecuadorian anthem, and processed in like champs---They were proud. Heck, I was proud. I felt like they were so grown up! Anyway, enough sentimental crap...Then we started, with the cheering, the yelling, the screaming, the dancing! It was sooo much fun. Our kids were doing well too---acing their events, trying their best--even supporting the other teams. I mean I barely have a voice right now.

It was just such an awesome day where I felt like, "Wow, I´m so glad they could have this...I´m so glad they could feel proud of themselves, have confidence, feel important, feel support, and most of all have fun"....So now i´m sure you´re all wondering how it turned out....

Well, unfortunately, we didn´t come in first....but! we didn´t come in last either, and really, our kids were great about it. In the end, along with a diploma they each got, every participant got a very "cool" neon orange or neon green backpack with all fresh school supplies, so they were in their glory! Forget they Olimpiadas, they all got prizes! So all in all, just an awesome day. All of the stress, all of the sleepless nights, yes i´m serious--i´ve been stressing about these for at least a week. All turned out really well. Lots of smiles, lots of laughs, and great memories for these kids to have. That´s really all it´s about anyway right---happy childhood memories?

Still loving life here, everyday brings about something beautiful. I hope you are all smiling and feeling great as the weather warms up. Missing you insanely.

Love,

Jamie

Semillas! Semillas! Semillas!!!!!!!

God, are you punishing me??

2010-03-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

i take it back....i take it all back....

teaching is God´s way of punishing innocent human beings who "think" they have something good to share with others. seriously, what did i ever do to deserve this???

was it that time in seventh grade when i harrassed Mrs. Johnson about the metric olympics? or back in high school when we were smart ass teenage girls to Mr. Girard?? please, i am sorry for all i have done, but don´t make me go back to school and teach!!

let me give you some highlights from my day:
---today i had two kids, not one, but two throw up in my classroom
---today i was dished out 12 year old attitude, by kids who are obviously too cool for school
---today i sang the "wheels on the bus" 14 times and i still had kids picking their noses
---today, and this tops it, i had one child, who will remain nameless for confidentiality sake, actually climb up my body grab my neck and bite my arm....i do not kid here.

to every teacher i have ever had in my life----you are my idol. i could never do what you do, nor do i want to ever again.

i have tried to be creative. i have tried to be nice. but i´m over it. these kids are not nice. okay, there was that one kid who offered me his toni mixto( a delicious yogurt treat that i politely declined--who knows where that cup has been). but the majority no. and on top of it all. they do not know a word of english----so me teaching english, has really turned into me being in front of a classroom stuttering out spanish with english vocab inserted here and there. i honestly do not know how people do it. and the thing is, teaching is such a crap shoot. one year, you could have an amazing class---kids who actually listen, kids who actually do what you say. and then the next----it could be like all hell has broken lose.

so today i had my septimo (7th) class for two hours, then recess, and then kinder for two more. two hours of those little devils. talk about two different worlds. septimo was just pure attitude. and i dished it right back. i told them, hey, i´m not the one going to school next year, i don´t HAVE to know this information, so really, it´s only yourself that you´re hurting if you don´t want to learn. and then i said, i have kinder kids who listen better than you (which of course is a total lie, but i had to make them feel really bad)....that shaped them up a little, but it was still a war zone.
and then.....

kinder.

really there are no words for kindergarten teachers....they are little angels sent to this world to take care of other peoples´awful children. we all owe our lives to kindergarten teachers. i mean this one´s throwing up, the other is throwing blocks, that one is jumping off the table, the next is eating jello (seriously where did that kid get jello?)...i mean come on people----what do i have to do to get you to listen????.....well i´ll tell you.

ladies and gentlemen, the hokie pokie. if teaching is god´s punishment, then the hokie pokie is god´s savior. children love the hokie pokie, no matter how ridiculous you look doing it, they will do it again and again and again. and never tire. if i didn´t do the hokie pokie 20 times today....

so as awful as today was on a whole....there were moments of pure genius, hence, hokie pokie. maybe i exaggerate a little. maybe i´m just coming off a tense day, but seriously, this shitt is hard. the past two weeks i have had no voice whatsoever. i have been taunting my roommates with rhymes and songs...which is really just asking for a beating. i have entered into the elementary world, and i´m going to be there for at least two more weeks. but it´s true, they´re not all bad. of course after class is over, they all run up to me and hug and kiss me and tell me how much they love me, but of couse i´m only thinking to myself, you little hypocrite---playing mindgames with me.

yup, so that´s been my life lately. i´m still great though, health is solid, attitude, solid----i´m just really happy. despite my adventures in grade school of course. went to the beach this past weekend, so that was awesome. and tuesday lupe had karla and i over for a cangrejada which was delicious. so yeah as i always say, estoy contenta, estoy feliz.

still missing each and every one of you. don´t think for a minute that you are not in my thoughts and prayers, because you are. everyday.

i love you all,
cuídense,
jamie

water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink....

2010-03-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

how many times a day do you turn on the sink, the shower, the hose, to wash dishes, take a shower, wash your hands, water the lawn, do laundry, flush the toilet, drink some water. repeat. water. water. water. all the time, never a question.

where i live right now, for this year anyway, water is a luxury. everything we do that involves water has to be intentional. our showers, our dishes, cleaning, doing our laundry, flushing the toilet (yes we´re fans of the "if its yellow let it mellow...."well you know the rest)---we´re always thinking about how much water we´re using, and how to make it last longer. unlike most of our neighbors. we´re actually lucky because our water comes out of the faucet and we have a cistern that holds gallons of water. but when the powers out, or when the truck doesn´t come to, we too have to haul water out of the cistern and into buckets to shower and clean.

one day a few weeks ago, we lost power for two days straight, and it happened while we were in the middle of our BIG three month clean---so what could we do, well, we just proceeded by pulling water up out of the cistern, being so frugal with the usage, while trying our best to clean as meticulously as possible---and then after, when we were filthy dirty from cleaning our dirty house, we only had buckets of water to clean off with....now it doesn´t sound so difficult, but its moments like those when you would really appreciate water coming out of a shower spicket.

but this was only two days for us. for the majority of our neighbors, they have to constantly wait. wait for the water trucks (tanqueros) to come by while they shout Agua, Agua, trying to get their attention. if they are heard, the truck comes to their house and fills up trashcan like buckets that remain outside their house and serve as the storage of water they have until the next truck comes. if the truck comes. i have heard stories of people waiting eight days without water. imagine. eight days, without water. incredible.

and here we are in the hottest days of the year---and water is still not easily accesible. i was really thinking about this last week when we took our kids to the pool for their paseo. they were absolutely ecstatic. and i...well...was disappointed....kinda like "are you kidding me, this is the pool" if you could even call it that. it was literally a cement hole, with water that went up to your knees, but nevertheless, the kids had a ball. i just kept thinking--these kids live in ecuador, on the equator, where it is usually over 100 degrees, and some had never EVER been to a pool. ridiculous right? and i mean it rains like crazy here at night, but still that doesn´t even provide relief for the heat during the day.

i really just can´t stop thinking about it. water. something so essential, and here, so sparce.

and its not like i can even drink the water that comes out of our tap, because its not clean. ridden with parasites.....its crazy. i have literally gotten my shower down to two minutes too. turn the water on. turn the water off. shampoo, soap, face wash. turn the water on. rinse. get out. i´m a pro.

so yeah, just some food for thought. next time you turn on the water, and let it run without looking, or take a 1/2 hr shower, just think about all those places in the world where water is not so simple. where people have to be really conscious about water usage, and don´t have the luxury of not thinking about it. and i don´t mean to get all preachy on you all, its just something to think about, because honestly, before i came here, i never thought about it. and now, it´s always on my mind.

all is still really great here, i´m actually going to the beach this weekend with a bunch of people from the neighborhood. oh! and how could i forget! i´ve started teaching during my morning job! do´n´t know how i let that slip.....brief update: the school next to my clinic is running summer school classes for a month, and long story short, i got roped in to teach english. so now, for one month, i have twelve classes a week ranging from kinder to seventh grade----hysterical so funny, i love my kids. and teaching is soo fun. exhausting but fun. everyday i´ve left wtih no voice. we do songs and games and cute little rhymes---i always wanted to be a teacher, and now it´s like a get a little glimpse of what life would´ve been like. BUT, i´m also glad this is temporary, because its so hard to be creative 24/7, and think of how to entertain a classroom. so yeah, for 3 more weeks, my days are spent in front of class, acting ridiculous and trying to engage them however i can.

that´s about it. life is solid. always laughing, always smiling here. hope life is just as great in the northern hemisphere.

love you all,
miss you everyday,
jamie

GOAL!!!!

2010-02-26T10:09:00.001-08:00

the only real purpose of this entry is to let you all know that i scored my first goal yesterday while playing fútbol with our semillas ayudantes. and who exactly are the semillas ayudantes, they are a group of about 10, seventeen to twenty year old boys who help us out at semillas and are ridiculous at soccer, absolutely ridiculous---and yes, against them...i scored a goal!

may not seem like a huge deal, but for me, this was a HUGE accomplishment! such a high!

so yeah, that´s really it---big smile still on my face, and today we´re going on a great paseo to the pool with ten of our best little semillitas. they´re so excited it´s so cute. i´ll let you know how it goes next time!
love ya,
jamie

thin places

2010-02-20T13:51:00.000-08:00

so what exactly is a thin place? we talked about this the other night as a community and i found the image really profound---many people say that a thin place, is where the edges of heaven and earth collide, where you can feel a presence, a force, more powerful than any one thing. some people call this God, other´s call it love, i think it´s just a combination of both, where the realization of human interdependendness and connectedness are made known.

here in Ecuador i have come across many thin places---some are physically breathtaking, like when i was on vacation in Loja, looking out at the beautiful views of the mountains, or sitting in hammocks within the gardens of our hostel----but then again i have also experienced those thin places right here in Durán, those beautiful spots where i am overcome by feelings of immense love and support, and just an overall appreciation for the life i am living---sitting at Lupe´s kitchen table drinking cafécito, or playing pato, pato, pollo with the chiquititos at Semillas, or most recently running around the community during Carneval getting soaked by water and paint as our neighbors introduced us to a huge tradition here in Ecuador.

it´s those places and moments in my life where i feel that tangible love. when i feel like my life is so beautiful, and i know i am loved, and that i love so many people. and it´s not just here in Ecuador that i´ve had those experiences, they were home too. which is why i know that i will be okay when i go back to the states---these places are everywhere, it´s just a matter of recognizing them in our day to day.

life here in Durán has been excellent, like really amazing. my house community has been clicking well---i can´t remember if i told you, but we are in the midst of watching Gilmore Girls---we started about a month back with season 1, and we´re already in the middle of season 5--it´s sort of become like an obsession to us, like we have to watch it and finish all 7 seasons---dan is livid, so we can really only watch it when he´s not home, but tom on the other hand is a pretty big fan. there´s just one thing, our tv remote doesn´t work, so when we sit down to watch GG, we have to watch all 4 episodes at a time, because we can´t flick through them. it´s really a commitment ya see, and we´re very dedicated---hence you can probably understand why dan wants to kill us all. we just keep reminding him though that there´s only 2 seasons left, and that when we´re done, we´re going to have a party...and after that he can choose the show of choice.

aside from that, nothing too much going on here that´s different from the day to day--we just had two groups here, one from st. john´s prep in danvers, and one from dominican academy in nyc---both really awesome groups, lots of fun, lots of new energy. valentines day was great too, we ended up losing power, so were forced to have a candlelit dinner ha! how sweet :-)

still missing everyone like crazy----if by any chance anyone has any desire to come to ecuador, please let me know! i´d love to see your face down here! i´ve gotta run for now, but be on the look out for those thin places, let me know what you find.

love you all so much,
jamie

dengue smengue

2010-02-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

so for the first time since i´ve been to ecuador, i legit thought i was going to die last week. now that is not to scare you all terribly, it´s just an uncensored statement about my state of health about four days ago.

due to our montón de mosquitos that constantly grace us with their presence, i contracted dengue last week. now for all of you who don´t know what dengue is í´ve done a bit of research to inform you---according to my faithful wikepedia source "The disease manifests as a sudden onset of severe headache, muscle and joint pains (myalgias and arthralgias—severe pain that gives it the nickname break-bone fever or bonecrusher disease), fever, and rash.[8] The dengue rash is characteristically bright red petechiae and usually appears first on the lower limbs and the chest; in some patients, it spreads to cover most of the body. There may also be gastritis with some combination of associated abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea."

so let´s see, severe headache, check; muscle and joint pain, check; feelings that my bones were literally being crushed, check, red rash, check, abdominal pain, nausea check--God spaired me the vomiting and diarrhea which is a good thing or i probably would´ve died----am i painting a pretty picture for you all---yes. it was absolutely horrible. i don´t recommend it for anyone, BUT i survived, and as the old saying goes, it could´ve been much worse---ya see i only has classic dengue, there´s another type, hemorrhagic where you just start hemorrhaging and that´s the case where you could potentially die. Gracias a Dios i didn´t have that one.

so now after conquering that feat i feel like saying..."what now Ecuador???--what else ya got for me?" even though i´m a little bit scared of what else could possibly come my way....as the old saying goes "Ecuador always wins", and it most certainly coul always get worse. i will say though that the community support throughout all of this was tremendous---they all kept checking on me, Karla brought me gatorade, it was all very sweet. if i couldn´t have my mom taking care of me, the next best thing was the arbolito gang.

so being healthy again rocks. you never really appreciate your health until you come off sickness. yesterday i woke up and was just like wow, it feels so good to wake up "well". and i had a great day on top of it. lots of love was being spread yesterday. i dunno what it was, but there were great vibes---patients were all friendly, i helped out at the comedor making lunch with all the women, braided so many french braids at semillas to all the little groupie girls, talked with some awesome neighbors, ate a delicious meal prepared by tom and his mom. ya know when you just have one of those days when you think, wow, this is good. that´s how i felt. i felt like God just kept gracing me all day with so much love---oh! so many letters too! you people really know how to brighten a day. i just had a permanent smile plastered on my face. but a little gentle reminder--while i do LOVE receiving things from you guys, it´s really hard to pick up packages that aren´t in bubble envelopes, or are over four pounds---so for the future, if there is a future with mail, just make sure they´re under 4, and in bubble sobres. graciasss.

and that about sums up my current thoughts for the moment. it´s hard because recently i´ve been thinking a lot about next year, coming home, and where that will leave me. lots of thoughts were leavign me with a lot of stress, and worry about what i´m supposed to do with all "this". so i finally made the executive decision that i´m not going to think about next year while i´m HERE. for exactly that reason....i am HERE...not THERE. these next 6 months are going to fly, and one day in the near future, i´m not going to have my "time in Ecuador". this is what´s important. this here and now. and really, what good is worrying about the future going to do? it´s not like i can get much done from here anyway.

so that´s that people. i hope i´ve distracted you for a minute or two, or at least got you thinking about what´s positive in your day today. because really, whatever you´re stressing about in this moment right now, probably isn´t that important. not to de-value any struggle, but honestly, what are you really battling? i´m sorry, i don´t know where this preachiness is coming from...i´ll stop now. i love you all, and miss you dearly---especially all my awesome pulsers---wherever you are, pulse office or not, know that i´m thinking about you!!!

con paz y amor,
jamie

mouse hunt!

2010-02-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

so this past weekend our entire community spent 3 days at the beach on retreat in a town called Playas. we´re officially hitting the 6 month mark this week, and were fortunate enough to get some time away from Durán to gain some insight and perspective. lucky for me, this retreat also fell on my birthday, so while it was hard to be away from some of our neighbors that i would´ve loved to celebrate with---it was also really great to just relax and chill, swimming in the waves all weekend.

while our retreat house was not exactly the hilton, i must say, i was pretty proud of myself for going with the flow and breathing easy. i think it´s a true testament to how far i´ve come in terms of "tolerance" for the little things in life. if you had asked me to stay there 6 months ago i probably would´ve looked you in the eye and said "absolutely not, hellzzz no!", but this time around, i was much more chill about it. or at least i´d like to think so.

we all got wayy too much sun, sometimes we forget we do in fact live on the equator, but had an awesome time. for me personally, i had some time to reflect on why i did in fact decide to come to ecuador---what God is calling me to do with this experience---and where i see myself going after this....unfortunately, there were no concrete answers discovered from my internal interrogation, but i felt like it was healthy to re-evaluate things. one of my favorite things to do is journal, and sometimes it´s so hard to find time to do that here, so i was really grateful to be able to write and reflect.

so after 3 sun spent days, we headed back to Durán. completely exhausted (not sure how relaxing swimming really was) but feeling that good tired. Karla then decided she was going to make me magic cookie bars for my birthday, and after they were done, the five of us literally sat around the table with spoons just digging in! they were delicious, and we had such a giddy night just laughing and picking out celebrity spouses for each other...as simple as it sounds, i felt so blessed to be exactly where i was, and spend my 23rd birthday around such cool people.

then.....the fun came. just as karla was about to go to bed (mind you she sleeps on the same side of the house that i do) i hear this terrifying scream come from her bedroom. yes, a mouse, in her room. well of course she couldn´t go to sleep with that around, and i certainly couldn´t knowing the close proximity to my room. so the three of us, karla, theresa, and i, staged a mouse hunt running and screaming around the house until finally---must´ve been birthday luck--i caught the mouse in a bucket. we were pissing our pants laughing so hard, but at the same time were really terrified! now i am a very humane person, but unfortunately, that mouse had to go, so after some serious shakage, and a little bit of fumigation---that mouse was toast. after that escapade we were truly exhausted and headed to bed. a pretty awesome birthday if i do say so. i can´t thank everyone enough also, for the birthday wishes that were sent! it was so great to hear from my favorite people, and i loved feeling loved to be quite honest. you all mean so much to me, and if i wasn´t here celebrating my birthday, i would´ve loved celebrating with you all.

i still miss everyone constantly. you are ALWAYS in my heart! keep in touch! thanks again for all of the continued support.

love love love,
jamie

....and then the kids made me cry

2010-01-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

so the kids at semillas made me cry today...so shitty, seriously?? who am i? i thought i was stronger than that, but today they just hit a nerve. we try so hard to teach them to be respectful, to listen, to share, to be kind and compassionate---but it´s like we talk to brick walls. there were about four fights today, rock throwing, hair pulling, and name calling in the course of two hours---and on top of it, karla wasn´t there, so it was just dan, ricardo and i holding down the fort.

i don´t know if i´ve ever talked about ricardo before, but he is one of the ecuadorian workers that helps us at semillas everyday. he is absolutely amazing, literally, there would be no semillas without him. ricardo lives in arbolito a few blocks from us, he´s 22 years old, and is so helpful and kind--the kids respond so well to him, and at times i´m so envious of his cool, calm, and collective nature. during the charla today i just lost it. i had to walk away because i didn´t want the kids to see me cry, and he came over and made sure i was okay. dan was great too, i just feel so supported here, even when things are really hard. i can be having the shittiest day ever, but i never go through it alone. someone is always there to help pick me up.

aside from the madness that was semillas today, things have been a lot better. i mean i do have about 50 mosquito bites all over my body and dan continues to call me chubby...but other than that things are good. our house community is in a chill place right now. karla´s dad and brother were here the past few days and they were just delightful to have. it was funny watching karla interact with her brother, but it was kind of bittersweet too. brandon wherever you are right now, know that i´m thinking about you---right now!

redima continues to be "okay"--nothing extraordinary, nothing horrific....just kinda mezza mez...i really love the obstetrician i work with, crazy as she is, she´s a lot of fun--- and i feel like i´m learning a lot about woman´s health, even though i really have no interest in it. still though it´s exciting hearing a babies heart beat or feeling competent enough to do exams. i just get tired of having to tell fourteen year olds that they´re pregnant, or better yet, 22 year olds (yes that´s my age) tell me they have five children---it literally knocks the wind out of me---i look at these young women, most younger then me, and when they tell me they have families of their own, sometimes four or five kids i am completely overwhelmed. the culture is just so different here. it´s not even abnormal. it´s expected. i get asked probably five times a day how many kids i have---and everytime when i say none, people are shocked!! how crazy is that? get´s me everytime, i constantly have a pit in my stomach when i see these young girls carrying babies on each arm. pray for them, okay.

so that´s a little update about where i am right now. we go on retreat tomorrow for three days which will be nice. beach again---very much needed. however, my cry today was pretty cathartic, so i feel much better. also, writing in this cyber world, strangely relieves a lot of stress too. i think i just miss you all so much, like...it´s not one thing that puts me over the edge, it´s the combination of every feeling i have needing some type of release. anywho....

know that i love and miss you all so so much! mom i got your awesome package today! and jacki....those oprah magazines absolutely made my day! see even when there´s a "low", there are so many "hi´s" to counter balance! you guys are so thoughtful, and make me feel so loved!

hope to hear from you all soon!
con bastante amor y paz,
ruega por mis niños por favor,
lupita

in the jungle you must wait until the dice read 5 or 8....

2010-01-16T14:31:00.001-08:00

i guess the old saying still stands....be careful what you wish for.

well, the rains have come....let me rephrase, the monsoons have come.

i will comence with my ark building asap, as it will be necessary to get around over here. i honestly feel like i´ve entered a different world. we went for six months without a drop of rain, and now it doesn´t stop.

and....to top it all off, our house has turned into jumanji. this whole time, we´ve been living with these large blue X´s on our ceiling, wondering, hmmm i wonder why those are there---well then came our reason, with the rains....let´s just say we´ve got a few lakes in the empty bedrooms, and creatures have been coming in from all sides. jumanji i tell you....i´m just waiting for Alan Parrish to jump out of our bodega with a freaking lion.

not to mention the incredible amounts of mud that we have to walk through everyday. i really am not exaggerting-- "our ecuador" has been turned upside down. and i think i´m going through culture shock all over again. the mosquitos, grillos, cockroaches, yes we killed one in our house, and mice are really starting to get to me, especially because these things are commonly found in my bedroom right before i go to bed at night. you can probably imagine how well i´ve been sleeping. anyway, let´s just hope this passes soon, and this isn´t the year of El Niño as they´ve been predicting--because if that´s the case, this "rainy season" will probably last until it´s time for us to leave. (sigh) God give me strength.

i´ve gotta run and eat dinner now, but i´ll get back to this soon when i have a free minute, for now, these are the most important happenings in my life....just thought you should know about them.

love you,
jamie

and onto the next year

2010-01-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

so it´s january. 2010. wow. still can´t even believe it.

happy new year everyone! i hope the holidays were wonderful for you all. so after a week of vacation time, some traveling to cuenca, a lot of time spent hanging with my housemates, it´s back to work.

in brief recap, cuenca was amazing--probably one of the best vacations i´ve ever been on. i´m almost embarrassed to say though that we did absolutely nothing but eat, drink, and be merry. it was a chill vacation, just hanging in parks, sitting in cafés, and laughing till our stomachs hurt. while the five of us that went are all extremely different people, we clicked so well and had a hysterical time. i can´t remember the last time i laughed so hard in my life. cuenca is a beautiful city in the mountains--great climate--a nice reprieve from the heat wave we´ve been living here, and extremely clean! no burning trash there. as simple as it was though , it brought us all so much joy and gave us a nice break from all things Durán.

and now it´s back to work. on monday i went back to redima to start the new year off, and ya wanna know the first thing they said to me when i walked in the door---ahhh lupita, ha venido mas gordita! wow, what a welcome people---simple translation: oh lupita, you can back fatter! ha you can imagine how my jaw dropped to the ground, and i basically wanted to crawl in a hole. however, i kept my composure and just smiled. NEVER in the states, would you dare say that to someone, but here, it´s incredible how simply they talk about weight. like it´s nothing. imagine walking into your job and your coworkers telling you you´ve put on the holiday pounds--yeah, not fun, but now i´m just motivated to work out a little bit more, and get back in shape.

in the beginning i was so adament about working out--jumping rope everyday, push ups, sit ups, lunges, you name it, not eating the humungous porcions that are always served to me, my roommates even thought i was crazy, and a little OCD, but i was determined not to put on the "ecua pounds"---after all that i even lost 15, and my neighbors kept telling me i was going to blow away with the winter winds--but as i´ve gotten more comfortable, and less scared of getting parasites, i´ve adapted a lot. hence the fat. what can i say though, you can never win, you´re either too skinny, or too fat--i guess i´m just going to try and be me, whatever weight that is.

so aside from the weight gain, in other news--BC is here on their winter break arrupe trip. and while i did not recognize one person from the group, it´s still great having them here, and being to talk about things that people know about; pulse, dorms, professors, etc. yesterday they came to semillas and i was shocked at how great our kids were, it was almost creepy...they were little angelitos and put on their best behavior for our guests. the chiquititos and i made "giving trees" after reading el arbol generoso, and they absolutely loved it! after about an hour of me cutting little green "leaves", they really worked so hard, and made beautiful trees to take home. i don´t think i could ever be a pre-school/kinder teacher though, so much of your life is spent cutting up shitt and preping projects for kids---little kids literally can´t do anything themselves. you have to help them do everything---even something as simple as gluing a piece of construction paper to another, nope--they constantly need attention and help. i think that´s why i hated being a kid so much. you are just so dependent on everyone else--imagine how frustrating that is? still though they did a great job, listened so well, and worked so hard to make beautiful trees! i was like a proud momma :-)

so other than that, not much new news to report on. still smiling everyday, still laughing a ton. i really want to put pictures up, but i am so technologically challenged, i really can´t figure it out without the assistance of someone from my house. so that will have to wait. oh! and i´m going to be using skype on saturday morning i think, so if you´re awake and around at like 9am, go on so that we can talk! or send me your cell number so i can call you!

i love you all and miss you so much, thanks for all of the christmas gifts too! i´m still getting them in spurts, and they continue to make me smile, "the gifts that keep on giving"---anyway, i´ve gotta run, but hope to talk to you soon!

love always,
lupita

oh p.s. "i gotta feeling" finally reached ecuador, and you have no idea how happy i am to finally hear that song again--it reminds me of all things senior year, which of course makes me smile!

Feliz Navidad!!

2009-12-26T12:30:00.000-08:00

just stopping in for a brief moment to say Feliz Navidad to all those who i love so much.

christmas was amazing here, so beautiful and memorable. only cried for a brief 10 minutes after talking to my mom on christmas morning, but after that i pulled my shit together, and literally just danced. our arbo house woke up christmas morning, ate some delicious chocolate chip pancakes prepared by theresa and myself, headed to mass, and then had a solid 3 hour dance party singing and laughing, mainly to reggaeton, which may be in the running for my new choice music--it was insanity, but so much fun. we did our "secret santa" on a $1 budget, and were in hysterics at the creativity that arose through that restraint. let{s just so that there were a lot of "coupon" gifts, and regifts from things our parents and friends sent us, too funny. but in all seriousness, this christmas i felt so much love and joy. i had a constant smile on my face for most of the time, and this year christmas really did have a magical feel. no fighting, no obligations, no resentment. a lot of sitting around and talking and laughing. we have been laughing for about four days straight now.

one christmas tradition that we did partake in here that i absolutely loved, were the christmas posadas. it{s hard to explain the exact feeling/environment of a posada, but the gist is basically a reinactment of mary and joseph going from house to house looking for a place to say--there{s a lot of music and discussion about faith and love, and what the holidays are all about. they happen for 9 days straight, and our house went to about 4 of them. especially with the power out, and doing most of them by candle light, i was so moved. i{m sure if you wikepedia posada, you{ll get a little bit better description of what they are, but for now, just know that this tradition was something that made my christmas all that more special. i just felt so connected---through faith, and through the basic fact that we are all human, and here to love one another. it was really powerful.

so now i{m off for a week, and dan, karla, steve, john, and i have decided to head to cuenca for a little "vacation" fun. we leave tomorrow morning, and it should be great. we{re all just ready to take a break from Duran, and breathe for a bit. work has become a little mundane, and the screaming at semillas has started to make me a little sorda. so we leave tomorrow morning for a few days of reprieve.

before christmas came, we were also so blessed to have karlas mom and sister come visit us for a few days, which was awesome. just having family in the house really brought a new cheer and light, and great food too! getting to share in this experience with people back home is so profound. its one thing to describe and write and talk, but to really be here, and see and hear and feel what Duran is like brings on a whole new sentiment.

alright, well that{s about all i have time for today. thank you to everyone who sent me christmas wishes, it was just so sweet and really made my heart smile knowing that i{m not forgotten about back at home. and it{s already almost 5 months--incredible, seriously. this time is flying.

when i get home from cuenca, i promise to write a more detailed post, and give you a better update on the happenings down here. for now, just know that i{m happy, like really happy---and laughing a lot. sometimes my stomach hurts from laughing so much after sitting down with these four crazy people i live with. they are ridiculous, but i love them.

until next time, or next year i guess i could say!
sending you so much love it hurts,
love,
jamie

oh, and wikepedia grillos while you{re at it, that{s an episode i didn{t even get into, but if you can imagine the biblical times of locust, you may have accurately imagined what it{s been like in grillo season. ha, yeah so not fun.

´tis the season!

2009-12-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

well---here we are, middle of diciembre---still can´t believe it! sorry for the lapse in time between entries. ya know, when i used to follow past volunteers blogs, i would get so frustrated when they wouldn´t post for months, but now that i´m here, i can finally see why it´s so hard to blog frequently. there is just no time!---always something to do (practice spanish, visit neighbors, read a good book, hang with my housemates, prepare HIV charlas, cook dinner, work out, write letters) but i promise i will try to be more intentional about sharing funny moments and new ideas with you!

so to start off, i wanted to tell you all that for the past few weeks i´ve been singing with our church group Nueva Generación. well now that you´re all laughing, let me explain. our music at church is awesome, and for me music is a huge part of why i feel so much at mass. well....i´m in ecuador, trying to deepen my faith and grow in spirituality, so i figured why not knock myself out and join the group! ha---keep in mind i can barely speak spanish, so singing in spanish could quite possibly be one of the funniest things---especially since i hold a microphone. yes. i hold a microphone. AND, you can´t put on the whole "apples and oranges" front on when you don´t know the words--that just doesn´t vale here, and i haven´t learned the spanish cover up for not knowing words. so because you can´t be here to listen to me sing, let me try and describe what this experience is like---this past weekend we sang campanas de belen (bells of bethlehem i think)--and this was me "BELEN, CAMPANAS DE BELEN, y los angeles baaAAbumm nuestro los baa bummm" yupp...that´s me, just hummin´along, trying to come up with words that i have no idea what should be. but i figure, what the hell--i like to sing, i like church music, and i like being a part of a group with people my own age. oh yeah that´s right, new gen (as i call it) is all people our age, and they´re awesome! such great people. therefore, why not? why not make a fool of myself? i´ve really got nothing to lose :-)

another tidbit i wanted to tell you about was that we had our employee christmas party last night--and let me just tell you---it was a BALL! wow, i think everyone had a really good time. we invited all of our guards and their families, and the people who help run our afterschool programs with us---it was just so special to be able to spend time with them. we are so close with our guards because well, they are with us literally 24-7, so meeting their families, and dancing and singing with them, was just awesome.

so here´s how things went down. karla and amy headed up the food committee- we ate pasta, mango, rice, and pineapple--how´s that for a ecua-american meal, it was delicious though!---decorations were cute, a little tacky, but cute nonetheless, and the entertainment, well that was definitely the highlight. all three of our houses decided that we would put on "dances" for our guests--you can imagine the competative spirit that arrose with that notion--they were absolutely hilarious, i was laughing like a little kid! a little synopsis includes john as a donkey, dan and tom as reindeer, and casa tomás reinventing an ecua christmas song with rostro lyrics! they were all really creative and fun! i think megan our director may have posted a video of them on facebook, so if you can access that--you may get a good laugh!

all in all though, last night was just a great holiday moment, it felt like that was christmas day for us---dancing, laughing, eating, sharing---so beautiful. the little kids were so cute--elvis´s son, one of our semillas kids as well, asked me as we were passing around chocolate, "lupita, how many can i have?", and i told him, "as many as you want", and his face just lit up! and he was like "i´m gonna put a few in my pocket to take home for later", i was like "absolutely!"--my heart melted....

let´s see, what else, what else----oh funny moment with chiquititos at semillas! ha, i have to tell you---so i was doing the vowels with them the other day, they love it---they scream out "A, E, I, O, U, cuantás vacas tienes tu"---so after we moved on from that, we do--MA, ME, MI, MO, MU, and so on with all the letters---well we learning new words for MA, ME, etc---so i was going okay, can anyone tell me a word that begins with MA---and then they would yell, mariposa, mapa, mano, mango, manzana---yadda yadda, well i asked jhon piel--one of the cutest little kids, probs one of my favs even though i shouldn´t have one----if he could think of a word...so he gets into pensive mood for a few seconds and then shouts out "PAPAYA!!!!"---when i tell you i was laughing so hard i was crying, it was one of those adorable children moments, that you just can´t replicate...and it gets better..... everytime i asked him for a response, for ME, for MI, etc, he would continue to yell out PAPAYA!!! needless to say, i got my quota of belly laughs that day. it was just like, umm jhon piel, papaya begins with PA, we´re workin on MA now. and he´d be like ooooooh okay....repeat papaya.....think again....repeat papaya. too much.

semillas has just been so great though. seriously. it´s a blast. it doesn´t stress me out anymore, and it doesn´t make me cringe---it´s just a part of my day, and a fun part of my day for that matter. i think i´m learning how cool kids really are. they are funny and full of personality. and as bad and nasty as they can be sometimes, most days i leave there laughing at funny moments. christmas is going to be hard though. i´m already feeling strange about it. as rostro volunteers we´re not allowed to "gift give", and that´s a really hard thing for me. i want to give these kids new shoes, and pencils, and backpacks, and hair bands, and new markers, and we´re just not allowed to do that. i know christmas is NOT about gifts, i mean i fully understand that, but that doesn´t change the fact that i want to give these kids everything i possibly can. it´s something i´m definitely struggling with. hopefully though we´ll be able to have a christmas party for them and do games with prizes and sweets---a little something to spread holiday cheer. and prizes don´t fall under the gift giving category so that´s a good thing!

i´m trying to think if there´s anything else i wanted to share with you guys today, there probably is but i just can´t think anymore right now. it´s so hard to keep track when everyday is filled with so many moments that i wish i could tell you immediately after they happen. i just want to pick up the phone and be like, i´ve got the funniest story for you---i always have to make mental notes and be like, oh this is definitely "write home worthy"....but a lot of the details inevitably get left out!

the gist of this blog is that: things are positive here. really good for that matter. as anxious as i was about experiencing christmas here without my family, i think that after all--it´s going to be a really moving experience. something i will always have. as difficult as it may be.

and on that note, i´ve got to get out of this sauna-esque cyber---i know i say it all the time, but seriously, you are always in my thoughts...always!! you may think i´m too busy to think about you, but it´s not true, on my bus rides, during semillas activities, thoughts of people from home always cross my mind. i´m thinking "hmmm i wonder what katie´s up to right now in DC? she´s probably on a run, or i bet Jen is at the clinic giving flu shots---or it´s sunday, i bet my parents are out having breakfast at some new local"----it´s constant, really. i miss you. punto. i miss you all so much, and not being with you during the holiday season is hard for me, hard, but not impossible. distance is nothing. we´re still connected.

alright, i´ve gotta run, LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUU!! always,
keep smiling :-)
jamie

Gracias!

2009-11-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

So in light of this thanksgiving holiday, i´d like to share a quote i have found particularly moving throughout my time here:

"Gratitude is not just a psychological disposition, but a virtue. Gratitude is ultimate participation in the divine life itself. The spirit of God in us recognizes God in the world. The eyes and ears by which we can see God in others are in fact spiritual sensitivies that allow us to receive our neighbor as a messenger of God himself."---Henri Nouwen

I am so blessed. Beyond blessed actually. Yesterday was another pivotal marker on my timeline for this year. Something was different, and i felt it all day. While it was a sad day for me, that did not change the fact that my ultimate disposition was joyful. It started at 6am when i decided to make a banana bread to bring into Redima to celebrate at work. I had to run out at the crack of dawn and buy the necessary ingredients, flour, sugar, bananas, etc but i felt like that part of craziness coincided with that normally felt on a holiday day---at my last stop i realized i forgot the vanilla, so i randomly asked the bread shop if they knew where i could get some---he then pulled out this big economy sized bottle of vanilla from his fridge and poured out a solid 1/2 cup for me to use. When i asked him how much, he just said, "no no, just take it". I was like are you sure, and he was like absolutely--I don´t know if it was just the mood i woke up in but for some reason even that small act touched me. From that moment on, the day only continued being beautiful.

While i was lugging the hot pan of banana bread on the bus to Redima, i got very strange stares, (here i was this crazy gringa trying to catch a bus with a hot pan, you can imagine how graceful i looked) after i got on a lady sat down next to me and asks , "a vender" to sell? and i was like oh no, it´s a gift, for my friends at work---and she was just like it smells delicious, tell me about it--so of course i did, and then i realized, what the hell---it´s thanksgiving, a day of sharing food with others, so i just cut her out a slice to try (even though it killed me to break into my beautifully baked presentation, i figured it would be very hypocritical not to share in that moment) she of course loved it, and that made me smile. who knows if that small act prompted her to share kindness with others that day.

Anyway, so when i got to Redima, they all loved the bread and wanted the details about the recipe etc. I tried to explain to them how grateful i was for their guidance and presence and continued hospitality, and was met with many hugs and lots of kisses. Then....after i explained how today (well yesterday now) we celebrate our holiday with turkey, yadda yadda stuff---my "boss" Ada, goes out to buy sweet breads for us to celebrate the holidays at work! I was just like are you kidding me?? Here i was trying to express my gratitude by bringing them in a treat, and then they go out to try and make me feel better about missing "my" holiday and bring back more food for us to share together. This is just a small insight into how truly giving they are. Their generousity and ultimate self-gift is so profoundly moving for me. I am blessed by their small acts everyday, and everyday i just wonder how i can be more like them, more generous, more giving. For those of you who know me, sharing is definitely not my strong point. But i´m trying so hard to work on it!

After my day at Redima, Karla and I spent the afternoon together, and it was just lovely---we sat and shared coffee and talked about holiday memories, and how this year will always be special to us, even though we miss home and are sad. We will continue to have countless holidays with our families, but this year, we will never get back. We tried to keep reminding ourselves of how lucky we are just to be here experiencing this--gaining this insight and growth, making these relationships, having these conversations--so much to be grateful for. My whole family even called too from Boston and I got to talk with everyone, which was amazing! it was like I was right there with them--sitting at the table, laughing at the craziness that is my family :-)

The day only continued to get better at Semillas---i don´t know what else to say except i love those kids. I absolutely adore them. They have become what I think about during my daydreaming episodes--I wonder about what they´re doing at school, what they´re doing at home, what they´re eating, if they´re eating, if they´re parents are home, what activity i can play with them today, how i can be more creative with them, how i can get them to be more creative with their own ideas---they consume my thoughts. I am greeted everday by tons of hugs and kisses, and until yesterday I don´t think i ever really appreciated how much love I am shown everyday. Without fail. They are all so beautiful. After semillas Karla and I headed back down to the "center" of arbolito and sat on the curb enjoying a chocolate pan--a little holiday treat we gave ourselves. Sitting there in that moment, I felt it again--joy, yes I was sad I wasn´t home, but that didn´t change how profound my feeling of joy was. It was so simple, but there was no place else i would have rather been then right there, sitting with Karla, talking about Semillas kids, and laughing about the stupid shitt they do everyday.

We ended the afternoon by having everyone in our Rostro volunteer community over for an ecua holiday dinner---no turkey, but there was some chicken--rice, maduros, and veggies--it was delicious--and karla and i made another banana bread to have after dinner. Oh and how could i forget! Lupe!! made our thanksgiving dinner---yes---she came to our house because she knew it was a holiday for us, and helped cook for everyone---she wanted us to have a beautiful, delicious dinner, and therefore made sure it would be. I am continually blown away by all that is Lupe. She is one of the most giving people I have ever met.

And it still isn´t over--tonight we are all invited over to our friend Pat´s house for a "real" thanksgiving dinner--turkey and all the other stuff will be there---how lucky are we?? no seriously, how freaking lucky are we? I really can´t get over it at times. Here I am celebrating two delicious meals with plenty of people who may as well be my family, and then there are some of my semillas kids who are content each night eating a plate of rice. How does that not break your heart?

So yeah....I am grateful....and I am joyful....sad, but joyful. I love my life here, and find such beauty in so many small moments each day. While I wished I could´ve been at Jacki´s pre-holiday party on Wednesday night playing trivial pursuit or left right center while eating pumpkin pie, I know I will have plenty more of those memories to come. Would I have loved to crash at the Altieri´s for some crazy Kelly fun and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, absolutely, but I have my whole life to live next door to that family that I love so much. Right now, I am here in Ecuador, and in this moment I am grateful for all that that means to me.

Oh yeah, and I am thankful that I am officially "lice-free" ,-)

drum roll please....

2009-11-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

well it´s finally happened.

i have lice. ha. mom, please don´t stress. as i´m writing this, i´m just laughing. it´s really just too funny. i don´t want you to think i´m freaking out, because honestly, i´ve been very calm about this. maybe three months ago i would´ve had a cow, but right now, it´s just too comical. it was absolutely inevitable too.

there are a handful of kids at semillas who have it, and the other day i came home from work and went to lupe´s, and was just like, " lupe, my head is really itchy, i think i might have lice" and she was like "come here mi hija". so i sat down while she combed through my hair, picking little "piojos" out left and right. there was something very soothing about this whole process. as disgusting as it is, i felt very tranquila and safe, and unaffected whatsoever. lupe just kept saying, "don´t worry hunny we´ll fix this, we´ll get through it". i was so at ease.

let me be the first to say, i was always completely grossed out by lice before i came here. even the thought of it made me tic, but seriously, it´s not that bad. i´m really okay, and it´s not even that itchy. it´s just another "ecua" thing here, that is absolutely a part of life. while i might get rid of them now, the probability that i will get them again before i leave is very high, so why freak when there´s no need.

in other news---field trip today!! woot woooooot! and guess where we´re going?!?!
MCDONALDS!!

yup that´s right---straight to the golden arches! the kids are really pumped too, i hope everything goes smoothly--again the best 10 kids from the past week were invited to come. hamberguesas for all! :-)

let´s see what else to report on: well, we´ve started a new little running club here in arbolito--tom and i are the main members, but theresa and dan have joined in a few times too. it´s a really nice way to start my mornings--behind our house is literally barren land, uninhabited, kinda looks like the african savannah, so we just run out as far as we feel like and then turn back around to head back. it´s so peaceful and quiet, and i really enjoy the conversations that take place during those runs. well, sometimes tom forgets that he´s a harvard trained football player running with an unathletic female, and he can get a little too intense for my out of shape abilities, so the conversation at least takes my mind off the fact that i´m usually sucking wind.

and i´ve also been tutoring 2 little girls in english every afternoon after semillas---it is absolutely one of the highlights of my day--they are soo sweet and adorable, and i LOVE them. Evelyn is 8 and Angie is 12 and we have SO much fun together. i taught them the ABC´s and head, shoulders, knees and toes (which they loved!) and now we are working on numbers, colors, and days of the week. we just laugh so much, and it´s always very chill. they´re jsut awesome girls, and i´m so happy to have them be a part of my ecualife.

that´s about it for now folks. life is still really good here, still really funny all the time--lots of laughter being had in the arbolito house--yesterday in particular with a certain bathroom incident that i will not be elaborating on, but use your imagination.

anyway, i love and miss you ALL so freaking much. i´m sending you cyber hugs as we speak!
keep the letters coming--they are such a high for me!
paz y amor,
lupita

baby when the lights go out....aka se fue la luz

2009-11-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

alright--so get this.

we´re short on power----no let me refrase that: ecuador is short on power.

what exactly does this mean? well, ecuador gets its power from a river/water source/ or something like that (i´m still not so great on translating general media, i.e. newspapers, news, etc) and it has not rained a day since i´ve gotten here (3months). hence the river is low....hence it´s not generating power----hence....and here comes the clincher----we lose power everyday for about 5 hours---also known as "rolling blackouts"....again what does this all mean??

well everyday i wake up with no power---not really a big deal, seeing that it´s bright out and we don´t really use power for anything in the morning. but then the power goes out again at about 6:30pm to around 9:30pm....hmmm what time does the sun set here--oh yeah that´s right, 6:30pm, pitch blackness---DARKNESS, you would think it´s 10pm at night at that time...so basically what we´re living is this: cooking in the dark, reading in the dark, showering in the dark, planning activities in the dark, sitting in the dark, talking in the dark, praying in the dark, doing yoga in the dark, peeing in the dark and the list goes on....we´ve been doing this black out thing for about a week now, and i was like alright, i´m okay, yeah it creeps me out and all, but i can handle this for a few more days----wait for it......wait for it----you probably already know what´s coming

we were told yesterday that this will probably go on for 60 DAYS!!! ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!! 60 DAYS! YOU´VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! we will not have power until the "rains" come. i´m strangely starting to feel like noah. me and karla literally just looked at each other and started hysterically laughing....and then the tears came--i mean seriously??? what is my life??.....now this may not seem like a big deal, and i guess it is pretty minor, but try to imagine cooking a meal for five people by candlelight, try to imagine showering in the pitch black---it really isn´t easy! thank god for gas stoves, but still! i just had to vent a bit because as we´re experiencing, and continuing to live: ECUADOR ALWAYS WINS. punto.

thank god i brought a headlamp.

Aloja Loja!

2009-11-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Hi Mom, Dad, Brandon, Grams, Auntie, Voutey Girls, Altieri´s, Kanoffs, family, friends, everyone I love!

¿How are you all? Todo bien I hope. Again as I sit down to write this entry, I feel like I have so much to say and am not quite sure how to write it--so many GREAT things have been going on in my life---the most exciting probably being the four day vacation I took to Vilcabamba, Loja this past weekend. Absolutely amazing. I´m going to try my best to update you on this crazy life, but my thoughts are most likely going to be scattered, per usual. Let´s see how this turns out.

Here goes....

So last friday at about 11pm, Mary, Megan, and I set out for our destination---Le Rendezvous Hosteria in Vilcabamba, Loja--aka the ciudad de juventud---or city of youth. Megan had been talking about Vilcabamba for a while saying that she really wanted to get back there during one of our long weekends, and based on her descriptions of this quaint little town, I knew that it had to be a place I visited before I left Ecuador. Let´s just say that this little town surpassed all of my expectations and now ranks pretty highly in my list of travels---I will definitely go back one day. Maybe even my honeymoon....well i guess i shouldn´t get ahead of myself ha.

You´re probably wondering why we left at 11 at night, and that is because in order to get to this lovely place, we needed to hop on a bus for 9 hrs---yeah that´s right, i was on a bus for 9hrs overnight. and surprisingly, i handled it pretty well, i guess i should also mention that this 9hr bus ride was up through the Andes mountains. so for about 2 hrs during our ascension up the rocky cliffs, i was pretty much scared shittless, but again--handled myself well ha---like i said, i´d do it again---well worth the trip. So we got to Vilcabamba at about 8am, and fortunately weren´t wiped from an overnight bus.

Our Hostel was absolutely adorable---when I say I felt like I was in a storybook--I do not lie. We had our own room, own bathroom, with HOT water, a little terrace with a hammock, and from our front door we had the most beautiful view of gardens and mountains. It was breathtaking. Not to mention, the climate in this town is described as a "constant spring"---perfectly temperate--so being there was an awesome reprieve from the hundred degree heat we face everyday here in Durán. The Hostel was run by a cute little french couple who moved to Vilcabamba after traveling there and falling in love with the place--i can totally see how that happened, so easy to do---they greeted us every morning so cheerily, and as part of our stay there we were given a DELICIOUS breakfast served fresh to us every morning on our terrace---overlooking the mountains, the gardens, the humingbirds, beauty, life etc----i need to elaborate more on this breakfast because for me it was definitely one of the highlights of my trip---fresh squeezed pinapple, mango, passion fruit and orange juice, hot, rich, brewed coffee in a cute little ceramic pot, fresh fruit cup with papaya, banana, watermelon, mango, scrambled eggs, crunchy, CRUNCHY real wheat toast with seeds and nuts and all that good stuff topped with real butter and french jam--maybe the best bread i have ever eaten--ya know what, maybe even the best breakfast i´ve ever eaten. i mean all of that paired with the view, the climate, the "vacation" feel----those mornings were beautiful. simply marvelous as my mom might say.

so after we started each day off with the breakfast of champions---we´d head out to do some more lovely things---i.e. go horseback riding in the mountains (1st time i´ve EVER riden a horse, also 1st time I almost died on a horse---well maybe that´s exaggerating a bit, but let´s just say once is enough), shop around at the cute artisan markets, sit in café´s and eat more delicious food---crepes being one of my favorites---oh, or get massages at one of the many spas that the town prides itself on....yeah this sounds ridiculous doesn´t it---it was---that juxtaposed next to my life in Durán--you really can´t get more opposite. and i´m not saying i "deserved" this vacation after living in Durán for 3 months, because it´s not like that either---it´s just that this was definitely a time to replenish---a time to focus on me for a little bit, and enjoy some of the beautiful things Ecuador has to offer. i hope this doesn´t sound selfish, well i guess in a way it kind of was...but a good selfish---like it was necessary for me to take care of myself, and breathe for a bit, so that i could continue to grow and take care of others---and i really don´t even think im rationalizing.

anyways---i guess what i´m trying to say is that Vilcabamba was the clean, pure, breath of fresh air that i was really craving. and we had SO much fun---Mary is just hilarious--so funny and real--traveling with her was a great decision because we were on the same page for everything we wanted to do. i never felt that stress or obligation that i had to sacrifice or "do" something i didn´t want to just to compromise with what the group wanted to do. we always agreed which was easy. and what else... let´s see---i mean there really isn´t much else to say---overall just so relaxing, so chill, so fun, and necessary. if i had to put a number on this trip it would definitely get a 9.5/10---the only thing that would´ve made it better would´ve been if my mom was there to have breakfast with me every morning. all i kept thinking about was---geeze my mom would love this moment---maybe one day she´ll come back with me, but i think we´d have to fly there because there´s no way in hell she´d ever get on the same bus i did--sorry mom!

back to work on wednesday after a lovely trip...however, i really wasn´t dreading it---redima wasn´t bad, and semillas was...well...okay---we had another incident on wednesday, but i really can´t even get into it right now---maybe in time i´ll be able to write about it, but for right now, it´s still pretty raw.

and today is friday---these weeks just keep on flying! 3 months! i´ve been here for 3 months, and i still can´t believe it. it scares me when i turn the page on my calendar without ever even looking at the month that passed. so bizarre.

well i´ve gotta run, there´s more i could say, but i´ve just spent way to much time and money in this stupid little cyber. oh! i need to give a little shout out to Big Bri---he needs to know how much he brightened my day this past wednesday after a really shitty semillas afternoon. so thank you for that. seriously.

i love love love you all, but i hope you know that. happy belated birthday Troy! i was thinking about you yesterday, but couldn´t get to a computer!

the letters have all been great! thank you everyone!

i´m going to try and put pictures of vilcabamba up soon---but also check out mary´s blog because she might get them up quicker than i can--marycarlton.blogspot.com

miss you mucho!
xoxox,
lupita

life´s simple pleasures

2009-10-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Saludos familia y amigos!

Today I came home from work and was so anxious to blog--i felt like i had so much to say, so much to tell---so I literally "ran" to the cyber--and on my way passed a bloody chicken head, smelt horrible burning trash, heard blasting reggaeton from one of our bizarre neighbor´s house, and the entire time was grinning from ear to ear. i feel like i´m glowing---maybe that´s because i´m actually sweating right now, but you get the picture.

These past two weeks have been ridiculous. Jam packed with so much. The last time I wrote I was anxiously awaiting my first retreat group from Villanova and while I still don´t really know what they felt/thought of their experience here, for me---it was a life-giving week. All of my nerves were immediately calmed after meeting them and feeling their energy and enthusiasm. I could not have anticipated a better experience---their reflections were so profound, I would literally leave them with insight that I had never even thought of before. During one of the reflections I had voiced how I just FEEL so much here, everything is intensified--things are never just¨"good" or "bad"---they are extreme--amazing or horrible...I never have just mezza mez days, they range from "wow, this day was absolutely beautiful, I cannot get over how much love I feel" to "holy shitt this world is so ugly and I´m just so angry and upset with what i´m living" Literally, this is the polarity of my emotions. But then, one of the retreatants said to me, "Jamie at least you feel"---and I had never really thought about this before. How easy it is to go through life in the mundane---to wake up go to work, eat lunch, come home, work out, eat dinner, go to bed---and then repeat. While a lot of times what I feel is harsh and raw and cruel, she forced me to recognize, at least I feel. At least I know my heart is working right? As tough as it is, I think I would rather be this full of emotion than feel nothing at all....so yeah, just something to ponder.

Ultimately, Villanova forced me to question A LOT---a lot about my purpose here, a lot about my intentions, and most importantly a lot about my faith. After they left, I felt completely disoriented and thrown for a loop, but again, I find this to be a good thing. The questions are good---I don´t want to have these firm beliefs that can´t be tested or questioned, or be so single minded that I am ignorant or stubborn to other ways of thinking. A few of them recommended I read some books by Shane Claiborne, and while I was hesitant at first, I´m finding a lot of meaning in them. If anyone has any free time for some pleasure reading, (or some thought provoking matieral) I would definitely recommend The Irresistible Revolution---it´s so eye opening--and just puts "life" so simply and honestly. Check it out if you have time, seriously. So all in all---Villanova=great group. I feel so blessed to have been able to get to know them and have such intense conversations about this life we´re all living. At times I felt like I was the one on retreat and they were leading me.

So this past weekend our entire RdC community went on our own retreat down to the beach in Las Playas...it could not have come at a more perfect time--our community has been going through some pretty difficult things, and we all really needed this time to take a step back, breathe, and restore ourselves. It was such a beautiful weekend. We stayed at a friend of Rostro´s beach house, and it was absolutely perfect. While the weather was overcast (and I still managed to get severely burned) it was nice to have a cozy weekend away and space to think and reflect. The whole time I felt like i was a part of a big family reunion--with all my cousins, etc. It´s hard to describe but you know those days when it´s cloudy and a little chilly and you can put on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and still sit outside on the beach and be perfectly content enjoying the weather---it was like that, wow what a run on--i liked it better because it was cool and i could be cozy-- sort of thing--if that makes any sense at all ha. And there were tons of hammocks on the roof--talk about a perfect spot. Waking up in the morning, and taking my journal up to the roof with a blanket and just letting my thoughts flow--such a great way to wake up. And we ate like Americans haha! french toast, apples, deli sandwiches, hamburgers, oreos, m & ms, chicken, doritos, starburst, salad, granola, yogurt--it was a feast let me tell you---but so overdue. never in my life would i think i´d be so excited over a turkey sandwich and ruffles haha---oh the simple pleasures. We laughed so much too about ridiculous things, played soccer on the beach, swam in the huge waves--even though it was pretty cold, and had some great conversations. Mary and I also sang a lot of broadway tunes which was wonderful obvi...i´m not sure what the others thought about it, but we certainly enjoyed ourselves ha!

Most of the retreat focused on our five senses---and getting back in tune with them. I feel like i´ve used the word sensory overload a lot here, and this past weekend, we had a chance to re-evaluate exactly what we are constantly sensing. We also examined five questions continuously during the retreat---- "What do I know, what do i value, what do i feel, what do i do, and what do i need?" it seems so easy right? but if you really think about it, these five questions are pretty difficult, and a little overwhelming. I´ve basically come to the conclusion that I don´t know much at all, that I need a heck of a lot, that i´m not really sure what exactly i do, that most of the time i feel confused, and essentially I value love above all things. Period. That´s about as far as I got after a lot of reflection and endless ruminating. We used these five questions to talk about ourselves, to talk about our relationship with God and to talk about our communities. It was such an interesting exercise. Again it sounds so simple, but try it, you may find yourself really surprised.

And what else...I feel like there should be more, but for right now i´m pretty exhausted---I actually wrote this entry in two sittings because I ran out of time and had to get to Semillas....which I need to note was stellar today---only 15 kiddos, and they were little angels. So sweet and cute and quiet! We colored, we played games, it was awesome. What a way to start the week :-)

So I think i´m going to end on that good note---Tom and I are making grilled cheese tonight for dinner with banana smoothies. I´m not gonna lie, i´m pretty pumped for that.

Please continue praying for me and my community---we´re trying so hard to live in harmony, and be loving towards each other, but as you can imagine i´m sure, it´s really difficult at times.....still we move forward---adelante!

I love you all so much, and miss you dearly! I´m going to try and post some pictures really soon--but again, these darn computers are so stinking slow!

Con un abrazo fuerte, y un monton de besitos,
Lupita

oh happy day....

2009-10-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

so i feel good...no i feel great right now.

this has been a beautiful week so far. lots and lots of laughter, lots of bonding, and lots of sighs of relief....i´m finally finding a rhythm.

i think it started last friday with our RdC day of reflection. about every month our whole group comes together to reflect upon what´s going on thus far...how are we feeling, what´s on our minds, and there´s also a lot of focus placed on the pillars of which Rostro is based on. this past week we talked a lot about simplicity. at first it seemed really easy to put attention on material simplicity and how we´re doing in regards to that; what are we eating, how much are we spending, what are we doing wtih our spare time yadda yadda, and while a lot of times it can seem extreme what i may be doing--the whole no internet in the house, no ipod, no tv, no coffee pot, no air conditioning and the list goes on....i think what last friday really allowed me to focus on was spiritual and mental simplicity. let me try and explain. and in doing so, i´m going to refer to one of the readings that was given to us by thomas merton on detachment. merton basically writes a lot about how we can become "attached" to so many things in life, so many thoughts, so many ideas, so many expectations, fears, people, goals, habits----and that these attachments can become barriers to attaining the peace and tranquility that God has reserved for us. i for one am attached to so many things, i´m attached to my fears, my habits, my expectations for this year and for my life, to my relationships---so many worries, so many thoughts that keep me from letting go, from just "being". there is only so much i can control, i have to stop, i have to just let life take its course and live every moment gracefully and as fully as i possibly can.

this week both at semillas and at redima i really tried to just "be". i took in every detail, every conversation, every observation, paused, reflected, prayed, and did my best to be present in everything i did. whether it was listening to a patient talk about her trials in trying to get pregnant, or help jonathan with his math activity, i put every ounce of energy i had into what was happening in these moments. while it may have not been completely successful all the time, i.e. i still got upset and frustrated with certain things, by the end of most days, i felt i was not as emotionally exhausted as i normally am. for the first time since i´ve been here, i felt that this week i was able to really bond with my community mates, to laugh and talk and shoot the shitt with them. i felt lighter, and carefree, and just happier. we even danced it was great! oh but i guess i should include a funny little story, that is so ironic really....

so yes i am adopting this new mindset, of letting go, of just living fully and trying to not stress, but as always i am far from perfect. so thursday-- dan and i got into a little heated discussion, no okay lets say argument---our first really big one---and i was pissed...i´m not going to go into details, but what ended up happening was me storming out of the kitchen and slamming my bedroom door hard, like really hard....while i simmered in there for a solid ten minutes, karla finally came to the door and asked if she could come in (she has been such a rock for me here, i can´t even tell you how supportive she has been with me)....knowing fully that i had just made a really immature move and acted like a baby i said yes, and asked her to come in....well here came the problem. she couldn´t open the door. it was stuck/jammed---yes i broke it---totally broke it, and remained stuck in my room for another fifteen minutes while karla and michele tried to free me. this ended with having to take the door knob off and using many different tools to pry the door open. mind you i couldn´t just jump out the window because we have bars on them....so yes i was indeed locked in my room...the irony of it was just perfect, God was laughing at me for losing my temper and patience, and i couldnt help but laugh as well...neither could dan, who after i escaped had the biggest smirk on his face. needless to say, i apologized, and we had a good conversation after the fact. and at least it ended on a positive note....well not for tom who has to fix the door. ha!

so que mas....oh! this weekend, our community mates from mt. sinaii have also been staying with us, and that has just been fabulous! i love having them here in arbolito--they are the four volunteers from last year who decided to stay another year and work on building a new community about 45 minutes away from duran. we have had so much fun with them. last night we went to our guard abrahan´s 32 birthday party--our first ecua party---and honestly it was not as awkward as i anticipated it to be. i mean it was ridiculous, but doable. the invitation said 8:30p, but of course you don´t show up until 2 hours after the fact in ecuador, so the 15 of us gringos showed up at 10:30 to a room filled with ecuadorians, blasting music, a fog machine, and lots of salsa dancing. we didn´t stick out or anything. ;-)

but in all seriousness, it was fun. we danced, or at least tried to, we ate, and attempted to chat amidst the unbearably loud music. that was pretty futile considering i can barely understand spanish when people are screaming it at me in a silent room---so this involved a lot of head nodding and smiling ha---at 2oclock when we left, the party was still going on, and continued to go on till 7:30am this morning---how do we know that, oh yeah we live down the street from abrahan´s house! so some of us could still hear it!

not really much else to comment on---i just want to reiterate how much better i am doing, after so many negative posts---geeze i reread some of my entries and even felt bad for myself---i swear, i´m better--smiling and still crazy, but more my usual self. which for some of you i´m sure is a relief. i think some of it may have to do with the pancake breakfast theresa and i made for dinner thursday night---having chocolate chip pancakes can put anyone in a good mood. oh also! my retreat group is coming TONIGHT!! ahh i´m so nervous, but really pumped--it´s villanova, and i´ve only heard amazing things about them. i´m excited to walk through this experience with them, and see Duran through their eyes. i think it will be a nice refresher to some of the things that i have gotten immune to, and also bring in some new perspectives about this community. a great learning experience for both of us....so as nervous as i am, i really hope it goes well, and would appreciate any prayers you all have to offer up to them and to me for this upcoming ten days! added perk--no work this week!!! woot woot! but i will inevitably be exhausted i´m sure, i´ve heard retreat groups take SO much out of you, but are well worth it in the end...time will tell...

alright, well i´ve gotta run---still so many things to do before they get here, and we have BINGO tonight at our church at 7---talk about excitement, no seriously, im excited! ha

i know i owe so many people personal emails, but we have lost power three times this week and the internet has not been functioning here in arbolito---i promise i will get back to you, i just can´t say when, it might not be for another ten days after this group, but i have not forgotten!

i love and miss you all, and thank you for your continued support! i´m smiling as i write this knowing that it´s saturday for you as well, and hopefully the majority of you are relaxing and taking in a nice october evening!

con un abrazo y un monton de besitos,
lupita

a crazy day at semillas...you mean everyday?

2009-09-29T09:29:00.001-07:00

so yesterday we had a bleeder---and boy was it a bleeder....

typical start to semillas---around 30 kids, hot as hell, buenas tardes niños, etc., usual start up---things were going pretty well for the first hour, lots of noise, lots of kids, but all within the normal of chaos. during recreo i was sitting talking with one of the new girls who was there for the first time, all very peaceful and quiet, trying to help her with her english hw when Luis (remember el poo poo) runs up to me screaming and crying: "Abrahan se cayo!! golpeo su cabeza Abrahan se cayo!! (he fell, he hit his head!)" complete panic in his face...so i get up and start running with him over to the playground area where Abrahan is, and when i get there i literally almost threw up. kind of like that feeling when you get the wind knocked out of you. there was little abrahan, 4 years old, sitting COVERED in blood. like when i tell you his entire face, his entire shirt, arms, everything, covered in blood. and he´s sitting there screaming bloody murder. at that moment i almost went into panic mode and started freaking out, BUT i knew i had to stay calm for his sake and put on the nurse face. the fact that he was conscious and breathing and screaming was a good thing, so i just scooped him up and started running--to where? i really had no idea, so i headed to one of the classrooms-- luckily the kid only weighs about twenty pounds.

*Later Dan, Karla and I joked about their perceptions of what they thought i looked like throughout this drama: Karla: "you looked like you were part of a scene in Hotel Rwanda" ---Dan: "you looked like David Hasselhoff in Baywatch"---yeah, not really sure what else to say about that ha. i think i´d rather portray Don Cheadle any day than David Hasselhoff haha

so of course by now this scene has attracted pretty much every other kid at semillas so along with screaming abrahan i´ve got about 20 other kids asking me ¿que paso, que paso? luckily we had a bunch of ayudantes helping us out and they shooed them out of the room. after laying abrahan down and looking for the source of the blood we realized that it wasn´t really as bad as it looked, yeah it was a gash, but definitely not going to kill him. it was just the enormous amount of blood that scared everyone, as it would anywhere.

in the states he probably would´ve gotten a staple or two, definitely at least a trip to the ED, but here, no hay. so once he was all cleaned up, i.e. basically stripped down to just his shorts, he calmed a little, but then when he looked at his little scooby doo t-shirt covered in blood and started screaming again. so now we´re all like it´s okay, its just a t-shirt, and he´s saying, no, no, de pega, de pega---meaning, "i´m gonna get hit, if i come home with this dirty bloody shirt". that´s when i pretty much lost it. here´s this poor kid, so traumatized by the blood, and then by the cut, and now all he can worry about is when he goes home with his bloody t-shirt he´s going to get hit. oh! and how can i forget, when his sister saw him, Carmen, who´s 7, she had a panic attack, again not because he fell and got hurt, but because she was gonna get beat for not taking care of him. yeah she´s 7.....the whole absurdity of the situation was just too extreme for me. i just got so angry and upset. so of course what did i do---i take abrahans clothes, run home, and scrub the shitt out of them, getting every bit of blood and dirt out so that these kids won´t get hit for having ruined them. i was practically in tears, but so determined to "fix" this situation.

when i got back to semillas i revealed the newly cleaned shirt and again tried to calm Carmen and Abrahan down, also explaining to them that we would go to their house after semillas and talk to their parents. they were still worried, but we got through the rest of the afternoon. it was just such a crazy day i can´t even explain. luckily things at their house went down well and as far as we know, no one got hit after the fact. it´s hard too because we know kids sometimes exaggerate and say "my mom´s gonna beat me if she finds out"-- i´m pretty sure we´ve all at some point made this comment, but here, when kids say it, it´s usually whats happening in the house. parent´s use violence as discipline---kids get beat when they do something wrong---that´s why there´s so much violence at semillas...whenever something goes wrong with whatever a kid is doing, their first instinct is to hit, punch, or kick the kid that offended them. it´s just so frustrating. as much as we try to "use our words" or "talk it out", there is no reinforcement of this back in the casa. so yeah...you can imagine how shot my nerves were by the end of the day :-)

on a happier note---yesterday was my first day driving in Duran! and i did really well! Megan took me out around the neighborhood and i only stalled like 3 times. very successful if i do say so---not only was i driving standard, but a huge ass truck!(and for all of you who´ve seen george, you know i´m a foreigner when it comes to suvs/trucks)

another happy note, mondays are mail days! probably my favorite day of the week (well when i get mail anyway) and yesterday i got not 1 but 3 packages!!! all from my mom of course, but they were filled with lots of sweets and the most recent People mag which made me so happy! i felt like i was back in voute 509 eating a granola bar reading about the latest john and kate drama---a very peaceful evening at least! i´ve also received so many great letters since i´ve been here which is just so awesome---having something tangible to keep reading, especially after a tough day really makes so much of a difference---i can´t thank you all enough for those! especially Jen, Kaki, Nicole, Robbie, Amanda, and in particular my grandma who sends me a letter a week! how special do i feel!

so that about sums up the latest here in ecua-world....i´ve still been hanging out with lupe regularly, eating many breakfasts and lunches with her throughout the weeks, with lots of other snacks throughout the day! everytime i walk by her house i always feeling like she´s handing me something, an orange, or a caramelo, or a chicken leg! she shouts, "lupita, venga!" and i know she´s got something to share with me ha, it´s both a great thing and a dangerous thing! and no one takes no for an answer here, if they offer, you take. punto.

well i´ve gotta hit the road, dinner will be ready soon, and i don´t wanna be late! hope all is well in the US----keep me posted on the latest news! i still miss you all everyday and hope that you´re all smiling and laughing a ton!

lots of love being sent your way, abrazos fuerte y muchos besitos,
lupita

Who would´ve thought?

2009-09-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Don´t have much time today, but I just wanted to give a quick thought about my work at Redima.

So this past week, I worked one on one with a new pediatrician named Viviana---she was helping our clinic out this week because our pedi doc was on vacation. Viviana is 33 years old, so sweet, vibrant, funny, and an awesome teacher! When I first met her, she was just so warm and wanted to know if i´d like to help her. I of course said sure, and this past week we worked as such a dynamic team.

While many of you know, kids are not my forte, you´d be surprised to know how much fun I had this week. Viviana let me do basically all of the assessments and asked me what I thought and what meds I would prescribe and what was normal and what wasn´t. It felt like I was back in clinical, just doing everything in spanish. This past week I saw a girl with appendicitis, an extreme case of thrush like i´ve never seen before, a broken leg (two weeks after the break), and many MANY cases of asthma and bronchitis. Oh and how can I forget Giardia---EVERYONE here has giardia!

All of the sudden, my nursing knowledge is coming back to me, and i´m back in the swing of doing that lovely nursing process. Subjective data, objective data, lung sounds, bowel sounds, reflexes, lab values, teaching, explaining, caring---dare to care, anyone? ha--sorry had to.

I finally feel like I´m doing the work i´m supposed to be doing. Not that anything is or was beneath me because its not, but working with a pedi doc is really challenging me, and pushing my assessment skills outside the box. I´m learning how to do an exam in Spanish, i´m learning how to explain disease processes in spanish, and i´m learning all of the different meds in spanish. It´s exhausting, but at the same time, I can´t get over how much my mind is expanding. While I still don´t know if i´d like to pursue being a pedi NP after this, I am really starting to consider getting my masters immediately after this year. Becoming a family NP is something that I have thought about a lot, because I really love clinic work and feel that basic primary care is ESSENTIAL in healthcare.

Viviana is unfortunately only with us for another week, but her clinic is on the other side of town, and i´ve been told I could work there a day or two every week. I am elated with this idea, and am definitely going to look into this possibility. It´s funny too because I feel like if I did stay around boston to pursue a masters, like i contemplated, Viviana would be someone who i´d love to have as a preceptor, and look at that---it´s like God was watching out for me! I swear, things happen for a reason.

So yeah--life at Redima is good. Semillas---well that´s another story, but I don´t even wanna get into it because i´m in a good mood right now. Let´s just say TGIF.

Tomorrow we´re going out to CHIFA, ha a chinese restaurant, to celebrate steve´s birthday! woot woot! Last night we had a really fun community night where we played Tom´s version of monopoly--let´s just say it was interesting, involved a lot of dancing, question asking, and playing flip cup with Tang ha, what can i say, we make due with what we´ve got here! The best part for me was passing GO and collecting TWO chocolate chips! heaven i swear! At this point my cravings for sweets have gotten out of control---what I wouldn´t do for a freaking bag of m and ms!!!!

Oh and a quick family update---my parents are leaving for Italy one week from today!!! so excited for them, and also, my brother is going to be able to fly over and meet them from Spain! so awesome right! so please keep them and safe travels in your prayers.

Also, my grandmother had bypass surgery this past week, and thankfully is recovering well. It was definitely a shock to me when I heard this, and although I´ve been worrying a lot, she´s doing better. Please keep her in your hearts as she enters into a long road of recovery and rehab. She´s such a trooper and i´m just so grateful that the surgery went well.

Sending you all my love, and lots of besitos!
Paz,
Jamie

Respira

2009-09-11T09:51:00.001-07:00

First---I need to thank all of you. Thank you for your emails, your comments, and most of all your prayers. The outpouring of love I received after that last blog entry was unreal. You are all so special to me, and the words you wrote felt like you were right here with me, talking me through these hard times.

I need to let you all know that I am doing MUCH better. After many tears and lots of conversations, my head is finally clearing, and I can see the forest through the trees. I have started really focusing on living moment by moment, and allowing the chaos to pass me while keeping the peace. There are probably about ten times each day where I just need to step back and remind myself to breathe...but this is definitely a good thing, and I recommend everyone take a try at this---it´s amazing how much we hold onto and forget to let go of.

So probably the highlight of this past week was being introduced to my new best friend here in Ecuador. And shocking, guess what her name is....yes that´s right, LUPE!!! it´s like it was fate. We were destined to be friends. Lupe is a long time friend of Rostro, and I had the pleasure of meeting her last week over a delicious lunch she prepared. When I tell you we are the same person, we are the same person, well except that she´s 45 and i´m only 22, but you get the idea. Her house is adorable, so clean, so neat, beautifully decorated, and so full of love. She has three kids and three grandchildren all who are adorable.

The first conversation we had was right when I was going through my "spell" of sadness, and I just started balling when she was talking about how while we´re here in Ecuador, she is here to be whatever we need her to be, be that friend, sister, mentor, or temporary mom. Her house was open to us whenever, and we could spend as much time or as little time there as we wanted to there. She could cook for us, sit with us, go to the market with us, or just laugh with us, whenever we needed. Her door will always be open, and arms always ready to pick us up when we need it. Well...after that little speech, I lost it. Literally, I was just sobbing there on her couch. Feeling so broken, while at the same time so relieved. Not to mention that the soundtrack from Forrest Gump was playing in the background. It was all very cathartic, and I tried to explain as best I could that she was exactly what I needed in Ecuador. The whole thing was very comforting, very loving, very Hallmark, but so soothing.

After that, we´ve been off and running. I hang out there A LOT, and have already become close friends with her family. I think they´ve really taken me under their wing, and kind of adore the fact that i´m the "little lupe". Fate I tell you. She made me the most delicious breakfast the other day with coffee that I desperately needed. I just love laughing with her, and enjoy hearing her stories. I feel very safe at that house, and know it is going to be a house that I continue spending a lot of time at.

Oh and well sometimes my spanish fails me, while talking to Lupe, and I don´t have the words to say what I need to, or to understand what she´s telling me. So funny story. After one morning I spent with Lupe, Theresa goes over there to have lunch. Theresa comes home and tells me all about the "trip" Lupe and I are planning with her family--how we´re going to the "finca" (her farm house in the country), and how excited we are over it, and how we´re just waiting to pick a date. Theresa was like how come you didn´t tell us you were going, and I was like uhhh, I didn´t know we were even planning a trip. I thought we were just talking about her other house in the country. However sometime during that long winded conversation, she must have asked me if I wanted to go, I agreed, and then we started preparing for a time when we would leave. This is a perfect example of how sometimes I MISS sooo much of what in the world we´re even talking about--- in so many of the conversations I have here in Ecuador ha. Luckily I didn´t agree to giving away my first born, because I feel like I could have just as easily done that! haha

Needless to say, Lupe is bringing me a lot of joy here in Ecuador, and she is part of the main reason I am feeling better, feeling lighter. My community has also been stellar. We had a really fun community night last night where we just laughed and laughed. Very much overdue.

So here are a few closing thoughts for you all as I head out to plan for Semillas first "paseo" or field trip today. (we´re going to be watching UP in our retreat house with popcorn and soda---i´m so relieved because only 14 of the best kids from the week are coming, and it´s going to be a really chill afternoon):

1. Something I love here in Ecuador is walking by the local panaderias and smelling the sweet scent of fresh baked bread every morning. There are so many ugly smells that I encounter daily, but because the panaderias are dispersed pretty evenly, it makes for a nice balance of really great smelling thing to offset the awful scents, ie burning trash, poop, etc.

2. I came home the other day and there were about 7 cows in our frontyard, I couldn´t help but start laughing and shake my head....oh Ecuador.

3. Tonight we´re going to the airport to pick up the 4 returning volunteers who are going to be working at the new site in Mt. Sinaii: Amy, Carolyn, Danny, and Tracy. I am sooo excited to see them, and it´s going to be really great to get to talk with them again, along with see them sporatically throughout the year.

4. At Redima I went on my first home visit out in El Recreo yesterday. Michele and I visited with a woman who has HIV and checked in on her health and children. Although a very sad experience that disturbed me a lot, I felt that this was one of those times that I felt pure human connection. Her speech was severely impacted by the disease along with her cognitive functioning, but just sitting there and talking with her for that short time reminded me of what our mission is here. Being. The simple idea of being with someone and letting them know that they are not alone. I was uncomfortable throughout most of the time, but I think that was a good thing. It made it more real, more human.

5. Finally, I wanted to share with you all that my brother made it safely to Spain, and is adjusting very nicely. Maybe even having a little too much fun, but i´m glad he´s also experiencing something exciting and new. It´s funny how being thousands of miles away from each other is actually bringing us closer. I don´t think we´ve ever sent this many emails back and forth to each other, but it´s something I really love and look forward to.

So again, thank you ALL!!! for your continued support! In no particular order Mom and Dad, the Kelly´s/Altieris, Jacki, Leslie, Gisele, Theresa, Jen, Katie, I can´t write all of your names, but please, please KNOW that I am so grateful, and appreciative of all that you have given to me. I feel the love regardless of the fact that i´m all the way over here in Ecuador.

LOVEEE YOU SOOO MUCHHH,
Lupita

So this is culture shock...

2009-09-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

I wasn´t sure if I was going to write a blog this week, only because well, my week wasn´t so great. I thought, why would I want them to hear about my homesickness, my frustration, and my sadness...that just doesn´t sound good---but then I rethought it, and figured it´s better to share what i´m going through then keep it bottled up. I guess in a way, I was trying to censor you all, so that I could seem stronger, and less vulnerable...But let´s face it, we all have moments that are tougher than others. This was just one of those weeks.

It´s hard to describe but this past week I just haven´t been myself. Little things have been getting to me, i´m increasingly irritable, somewhat obsessed with cleaning, and more and more I retreat to the isolation of my room. I am frustrated everyday and am trying so hard to be positive, but my efforts just seem futile. Both Semillas and Redima were two things this week that I was just not into. The kids bothered me, and my co-workers were constantly on my nerves. It´s so hard to fake happiness too, especially for me because my emotions are blatantly visible to all based on my body language and face. Essentially what it comes down to is homesickness and culture shock--each thing is perpetuating the negatives of the other.

I miss home, I miss my bed, I miss my morning coffee and yogurt with berries. I want to be able to go out at night, and not have to worry about safety. I want to be able to come home after a long day and not have to cook for six people. I don´t want to have to deal with hundreds of thousands of ants!! I want to be able to run outside by myself. I don´t want to speak spanish 24/7, and I don´t want to eat any more stinking bananas. I want to have breakfast at Cristy´s and eat pancakes, and more than anything I want to be around my family and friends.

I am definitely struggling, and trying so hard to be okay. My community sees it too, and that´s another reason why this is so hard. I want to be able to open up to them, and for them to see me, but for some reason I resist. It´s still so difficult to be myself with them, and there is always that fear that i´m burdening them with too much. I know they want to help me, but it´s hard to make yourself vulnerable.

But we are a community, and we are supposed to be there for one another. I know they struggle too, but I think some of them are just better at letting the little things go, where for me, it´s the little things that really get to me.

This morning we had a 3 hour reflection on the pillar of community, what it means, when does it bring us joy, and when does it bring us difficulty. I think if anything, this discussion made me reflect on what a gift i´ve been given--this gift of living in community, learning from others, and seeing the need for all of us in this situation; we are each a part of something greater than ourselves-- but it also put a lot of emphasis on how this idea of community will be something we constantly struggle with--how it´s also the hardest part of Ecuador.

I know I will get through this rough patch; it is something we will all go through at some point. We all need to be broken and recognize our brokeness before we can fully understand the complexity of this experience and how much we can grow from it. This is something we talk about all the time, I guess I just didn´t realize that it would hit me so hard.

I´m sorry if this was a little more negative than what you all were hoping, but it´s something that´s heavy on my heart, so instead of pretending that everything is just ducky, I figured I´d be honest with you all.

Know that I still continue to pray for you all and miss you more than you know. Keep sending emails and updating me on your lives---it always puts a smile on my face when I can see your names in my inbox :-)

Love you muchisimo,
lupita

Luis y el Pulpo

2009-08-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

So Luis(little rascal from Semillas) and I are reading a story the other day about el pulpo(octopus) who wants to find a friend to play with. None of the other sea creatures will play because they are scared he will eat them. The last page of the story ends with el pulpo asking a tiburon, shark, to play, and what happens...the shark eats the pulpo....Why am I telling you all this, well because the best part of the story happened when I said, el poopoo, yes that means poop----and Luis went into a fit of hysterical belly laughter saying "lupita just said poopoo" he could not contain himself and i have never seen this child laugh so hard.

Watching him I could not help but start laughing hysterically and the two of us were just sitting there laughing and laughing about el poopoo. This went on for about five minutes, and I was laughing so hard that by the end I was crying. May seem really stupid or insignificant, but honestly this was one of the best moments of my week. It was in this moment that I realized, that it doesn´t matter what we do with these kids during our two hours at Semillas, it doesn´t matter if they learn fractions or can count to a hundred in a single afternoon. It doesn´t matter if they understand the geometric shapes we teach them during activity, or if they can multiply 8 times 12.

We are here to be with them. To laugh with them, to play with them, and to let them be kids, if only for two hours a day. I´m not really sure what happens from 5pm on in the course of their nights, but I have heard that in some houses it is not a pretty time. Parents are exhausted, and alcoholism is rampant in this culture. If I can get a kid to laugh with me over the course of my afternoon at Semillas then I feel like it was a productive day.

We really take for granted that kids have a place to play and create and imagine in the US-- because it happens all the time. When homework is done, and there are a few hours left of daylight, kids at home can go play in the neighborhood or in their backyards or go to a park down the street and just have fun. I´m really struggling with this here. These kids don´t have green grass, or swingsets, or markers, or playdough, or bikes. They have dirty rivers, and rusted wires, and broken glass laying around the dusty dirt roads that surround their houses. Not to mention the tons of stray dogs that are everywhere and leave their trails as well. It´s just something that I think about a lot. I know that these kids have joy in their lives and smile like other kids, but I can´t help but feel real sadness for them. They shouldn´t have to worry about finding a safe place to play in everyday. They are only kids. It´s these thoughts that give me the grace to continue playing at Semillas each afternoon.

As for Redima, it´s still taking time. Mondays and Tuesdays are better than Wednesdays and Thursdays, but again, I know things will work out. I am just so thankful that for the most part, the woman that work there are so caring and compassionate and always asking me what I ate that day ha. For some reason they are all very concerned about me and my diet, and just want to make sure that I don´t waste away here. I keep telling them that its really not a problem, and that if I eat any more beans and rice i´m going to turn into a freaking frijole, but they keep asking, so I keep answering :-)

That´s about all I have time for today kids, but I will be sure to keep you posted about my upcoming week.

Still thinking about you and praying for you all. Oh and Karla´s birthday was a lot of fun, not to mention the cake was delicious!!! I miss sweets so much it´s not even funny. I think that´s why i´m starting to get addicted to the crystal light packets. It´s the one thing I have to look forward to at night! Sad I know....oh well, when in Ecuador....

Love you all!

Lupita

Lava las manos por favor!!

2009-08-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

One week down kids! Ha thats what I kept thinking all week, not so optomistic right? I don´t want to try and pretend that this week was amaing, because honestly, this past week was rough, to say the least. I was so frustrated, exhausted, and just frazzled for most of the time, but all in all I survived. So that´s the first step.

Redima was tough--the language barrier presents a huge challenge for me every moment that I´m there. Initially they were asking me to do things that I was not so comfortable doing, like just starting all of these IVs without pumps, without gloves, and without supervision. Needless to say I just gave them this petrified stare of, you´re kidding me right? And after that first day incident, I think they´re trying not to overwhelm me, but at the same time, now I´m on the brink of boredom. Honestly, I think i´m still figuring out my role there-I need to be comfortable wtih the tasks they ask me to do, and they need to feel confident that I can perform these tasks without freaking out. After the IV gig, I think they questioned my statement-soy una enfermera, ha! But I tried explaining that I was new and just graduated---still didn´t seem to be an excuse here.

With time, I know Redima will be rewarding, but for now it´s a lot of unlearning everything I ever learned in nursing school haha. Sterile fields---pfff, hand washing---out the window, confidentiality---does not exist in Ecuador, and yes people here give every shot in the butt, despite the fact that research has proven you can paralyze a person if you hit the sciatic nerve....(or at least i´m pretty sure I learned that at BC)....I´m going to be okay, i´m going to find my place---I need to be patient both with myself and them because this is still so new. I´m just so anxious to "help" which is really the root of the problem. However inefficient I may think this clinic is, it´s still running and operating with or without me. So I just need to relax, take a step back, and find out where I fit in this whole scheme of healthcare.

Semillas on the other hand is a complete one eighty. Absolute madness, complete chaos. For two hours everyday I have screaming kids literally launching themselves at me begging for my attention. There are these two brothers Abran y Luis and although they are two of the cutest kids I have ever seen, they are like leaches. I usually have one on one leg, and one on the other. They´re so silly though and just laugh and smile-- so as much as I want to get annoyed I really can´t help but think maybe this is where they get their daily dose of attention, and let it go as I drag them around the compound. By the time Semillas finishes at 5 I am absolutely beat. Sooo tired, and I think that´s why this past week was so hard for me. I haven´t yet figured out the best rest schedule for my body. I need to find a happy medium where I have energy for both jobs, and don´t deplete myself--because our days don´t end at 5 either, then we have to cook, clean, and three nights a week have either a community night(games-fun stuff), spirituality night, or community meeting (where we talk about all of the stuff that´s either going well....or not so well in our house)...The days are long, but again, with time, i´ll get the hang of them. I´m usually passed out by 10 oclock every night and feel so old, but I guess this is what adults do? Maybe?

So there´s a brief look at my past week---and a few other things I wanted to let you know:
1. I will NEVER get used to taking cold showers---they are awful, and if I had to say I hate anything about Ecuador, this would be it.
2. Buses don´t stop here, you kind of have to get a running start to get on, and then hop off a moving bus when you want to get off--it is so crazy, and i´m just praying to god that i don´t eat it one of these days.
3. I have become the master at jumping rope--aside from futbol, it is my only source of cardio here, and i kind of feel like Rocky as I get up at 6:30 every morning to get a little work out in.
4. Our house is becoming famous for baking banana bread, Dan´s mom has the best recipe, and low and behold there are a lot of bananas in Ecuador, so we usually make it at least twice a week.
5. I am reading The Shack right now--and would love to hear comments if any of you have read it because I still don´t know what I think about it.

and lastly 6. I still miss you guys all so much, some days are just harder than others, but I try not to get too weepy when I think about you all. Sometimes I just feel like I´m going to be missing out on so much this year, but then I have to put a year into perspective and think, it´s going to be okay---i´m going to have amazing memories too.

I love you all so much, and am trying to do my best to work on my snail mail. Oh and also, I figured out that I can send text messages for 7 cents, so if you get a text from a strange number it may be me just saying hi and letting you know that i´m thinking about you.

Thats it for now--Karla´s birthday is tomorrow! woohooo--so I have to go clean and get ready for people to come over! We´re making a cake too, so exciting!

Hasta luego,
Con mucho amor,
Lupita

Viva Ecuador!

2009-08-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone!

So i´m here...Living in Ecuador! Can you believe it? I still can´t ha! It hasn´t even been two weeks yet, and I´m already calling this place home! (don´t worry mom---this is only temporary! 35 Livingston Drive will ALWAYS be where I return to!)

I told myself I was going to prewrite this entry so I was more organized, but of course I didn´t so here comes my scatter brained head:

For the first week we were here the eleven of us were living together in the Arbolito retreat house--very cozy, but a lot of fun. They still hadn´t decided who was going to be living with who so for that reason we all stayed together and shared the big house. I guess I should first say that Rostro volunteers are split between two neighborhoods: Antonio Jose de Sucre and El Arbolito, each house also has a neighboring retreat house which is where the high school and college kids stay when we host them for retreats. The houses are only about a mile a part, but we´re not allowed to walk between them without a partner because they say it can get a bit "sketchy"....needless to say, we´re very careful when we walk through them and ALWAYS are with a fellow volunteer.

The two neighborhoods are VERY different. AJS is more developed, cleaner, and Rostro has been working in that neighborhood longer. Arbolito is well...not as developed, dirt roads, cane houses, not many stores, small brush fires everywhere, lots of naked children running around-- its basically an invasion community that people just started developing little by little. I thought for SURE I was going to be living in AJS---actually I was positive--it definitely seemed more me, especially for the clean factor, but i´m sure you all can guess where i´m living by now...Yes I am living in El Arbolito with Tom, Dan, Karla, Michele and Theresa....We live in la Casa Grande...it sticks out like a sore thumb amongst these houses and at times makes me feel pretty uncomfortable.

Our house is huge, like bigger than my house at home. We all have running water, our own rooms, huge kitchen, big common room, three bathrooms, and a chapel...yeah it´s pretty legit...but because of this, it makes it all the more important that we focus on living simply. When our neighbors are living out of two bedroom cane houses, with sometimes five kids sharing a bed, we really have to think about what we need in life, and what is only a want....

I need to backtrack a bit, the first week we were here, the old volunteers were here with us---another reason why we stayed in the retreat houses---and they were absolutely wonderful. They confirmed my decision that Ecuador is where I need to be right now. Inspiring is an understatement: what they´ve done, or better, how they´ve lived their past year here, was truly beautiful. Seeing the relationships they´ve developed with our neighbors, and how the kids respond to them on the streets was an act of God´s grace. It was hard not to be intimidated by them because they are so loved here, and although we know we´re not trying to replace them, we hope our neighbors don´t think that thats what we´re trying to do, and accept us for who we are. Again, I cannot say enough about them, I feel truly blessed to have been able to experience Ecuador with them for a week.

And now we´re on our own. We had a huge scavenger hunt yesterday to learn our way around the cities. It was so intense. Absolutely exhausting, and at times extremely frustrating, but I now feel like I can navigate these two large cities(both Duran and Guayaquil)....Our team (me, Mary, Steve, and Theresa) came in second, only after climbing 444 steps to the top of el faro, or huge lighthouse, that has the best view of the entire guayas providence...it was breathtaking, and just an fyi for anyone coming to visit me this year, i hope you´re conditioned enough to make this trek with me because you can´t leave Guayaquil without having a glimpse of this view (hint hint)

Some other things to note: My job sites for this upcoming year are confirmed, and I am officially going to be working at the Redima Clinic doing patient intakes, nursing care, HIV teaching, health education, and basically anything that they need me to do. Í´ve been told that I will probably be asked to do some things that i´m not actually qualified for because they know i´m a nurse, and it´s up to my disgression whether or not i feel comfortable to accept...hmm i guess it depends on what they ask me to do right? But for some reason in the back of my head I still keep thinking maybe i´ll be delivering babies this year! ha, probably not, but wouldn´t it be cool if i did?

More than likely i´ll be doing a lot of primary care, annual health physicals, and a lot of presentations...I´m going to be working with Michele which is great because she´s a native Spanish speaker. She´s going to be doing more of the psych counseling for the HIV testing, but we´ll definitely be working closely for much of the time.

For the afternoons i´m going to be running an afterschool program called Semillas de Mostaza with Dan and Karla...let´s just say Jamie was not too thrilled about this placement initially, but after a lot of tears, conversation, and much prayer, I have decided that I think I can handle this...Semillas is at times extremely chaotic, loud, and in my opinion very overwhelming--some months they have 100+ kids attending. For someone like me who enjoys structure and quiet, I could just see myself dreading the afternoons and having to pop a Xanax before every session. However, I am up for the challenge. I know I need to work on my patience and flexibility, and this may just be exactly what I need to loosen up a bit (some of you may be laughing right now) but in all seriousness I am ready. Just keep praying for my sanity and a hope that I bend and not break with this placement. Thank God for Karla and Dan too because they are going to be supporting me A LOT, so they too may need many prayers!

So this is kind of where I stand for right now. I am absolutely in the honeymoon stage of my culture shock. Everything around here excites me and I find myself being so optomistic for what is to come. I love my vecinos, and I barely even know them. Wellington, our little neighbor who´s probably around 8 years old greets me everyday with a big hug and asks me to teach him English any chance he gets. He is so eager to learn and loves the attention. Oh and I should probably mention, I´m now known as Lupita here. No one can say Jamie (but of course), so for convenience sake, I have just started calling myself Lupita, and I actually really love it. When my neighbors yell, Hola Lupita! I can´t help but smile. It sounds so cute, especially when the little kids say it!

I´m sorry if my thoughts are really out of order, there is just so much to fill you guys in on. I want you to have an idea of what I see and feel, so please let me know if what I write really doesn´t make sense or if you have questions about anything. I´m going to try and update this as frequently as possible, but the little computer that i´m writing from runs so slowly and it´s hot as hell in this cyber. Oh yeah and by the way, Ecuador is about 100 degrees right now, and it´s technically Winter in South America---I don´t know what i´m going to do come January.

Here´s my address too just in case anyone has the urge to write me some snail mail :-)

Jamie Buller o Megan Radek
Casilla 09011024
Guayiquil, Ecuador, South America

I miss you all so much, and hope everyone is doing well. ´

I´ll be praying for you! Oh and my brother is going to be leaving for Spain come September, so keep him in your prayers too as well as mi Mama y Papa who will have two children living out of the country! Dios Mio! I know they can handle it though, they´re strong people, and will definitely get through this :-)

Hasta Pronto!
Lupita

I gotta feeling...

2009-07-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

Bienvenido a mi blog!

After much consideration, I have finally decided that writing a blog would be the best way to document my life and many adventures while away this year in Ecuador....However, I must warn all of you: I am not a writer. I am going to try my best to make these reflections as exciting and entertaining as I possibly can, but there may be times when me speaking from the heart may bore you all to tears. I apologize in advance, and will do my best!...So on that note, let me get started.

For those of you who don't know, starting on Monday, I will be traveling to Duran, Ecuador where I will be volunteering for one uninterupted year at a program called Rostro de Cristo. This program is based on pillars of community, simplicity, spirituality, hospitality, and service. I'll try to make a long story short by saying that everything about this program just "made sense" to me. So....after many, MANY days of discernment, I finally decided that this is where I need to be.

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion, literally. I don't think i've laughed or cried as much in my entire life. Leaving home was one of the hardest things I've had to do, and I still don't even know if the enormity of it has really even hit me yet. For right now, I just have to take things day by day, and keep focusing on all of the new exciting things that await me!

Right now, I'm in Ohio training with my fellow Rostro community (there are 11 of us), and also the international Jesuit Volunteers. We've been having a ton of fun! And yet our days are so PACKED with different sessions ranging from safety, spirituality, health, justice, teaching, discernment, conflict resolution, and my favorite thus far...the Enneagram. Anyone who does not know about the enneagram, I strongly urge you to check it out....For those of you who do---isn't it so great! I am a type One and after figuring this out, I feel like my entire life can be explained! So look it up, and get back to me with your type.

Another interesting point to note: today we got back from a three day silent retreat. Very interesting. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to make it (and i'm sure a lot of you might be thinking the same) But surprisingly, the silence was exactly what I needed to sort out my chaotic head and organize my thoughts. The place was kinda creepy though, and one night I woke up at 3:30am and had to pee, and all I kept thinking was, "oh jeeze, this place is too much like the shining"...needless to say I was just waiting to see little girls riding on tricycles...

Alright, this is getting far too long...And I need to go to bed. I just want you all to know, that I am thinking about you daily, and praying for you constantly...Trust me, I'm doing a lot of praying here....This year is going to be tough, that's inevitable, but there's something inside of me that's saying...it's all gonna be okay....Call me corny, but..."I gotta feelin"...

I am going to try as hard as I can to update this frequently, but if you have specific questions, please email me, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Sending you lots of love, and many hugs! xoxo
Jamie